Shoved

Old theory - no one likes getting anything shoved on them (ideas, ideology, politics, religion, sexual orientation, learning, etc. etc.) (clearly there are some exceptions). anyway insomnia seems to be trapped energy wanting out somehow. brain cells swim around, knock into each other, wake the others up, like a bunch of kids in barracks. once enough get shoved onto the floor, i'm up. wth.

Lately, martial arts has been a group of cells kicking around in the cerebellum. Like East Side Story, snapping their fingers, looking for a fight.

Tai chi has been great the last few weeks - remembering an old love, and discovering a new "form". i still can't really tolerate yoga - for one it's too slow for me, monkey mind being what it is. Remember i didn't even see the value in sitting still until a few years ago. Meditation was like another planet.

Since tai chi is an "internal form" and there are "external" forms, (read: violent - at least in movement if not intent), I could use the balance of adding a form. I've always thought it would be fun, engaging, interesting to try, so going to start looking into where i can learn.

There is something that is pissing me off about getting into the workout routine again. First, I had to accept that I can't do normal gym workouts. My mind devours me. The sociologist, the academic, the "omg am i really going to walk in one f-cking spot for half an hour and lift these stationary sliding weights when i could be building a house!?" self just wins too often.

Second, I'm pissed that I can't just throw myself into it. I have to start in a rational fashion, building endurance, stretching, etc. The good news is I didn't throttle the ballet teacher who wasn't prepared to teach adults. (she was sweet, and cute, and young, so that saved her. Plus I don't know karate yet.)

But other workouts do work for me:  swimming is meditational, like tai chi, moving meditation. I can do that.  Good at it. Less likelihood of sudden injury :)

Walking practice is slowly taking root; not easy - it's cold and monkey mind is way too strong, but making progress. Dance : restarting this is freakin great and also hard to fit in, esp when i love West Coast Swing, and have not my Main Man to dance with regularly; but tried 2 different styles of class, have a third in mind.

Plans to hit biking this Spring. Starting to thaw out a bit and get a little psyched. May have found a biking partner.

Biking is sheer fun even here in IL with no hills (who woulda thought I'd ever miss them??) and no half-assed teachers. (ok there was another dance class with a mediocre teacher - I've done too much of this to tolerate lazy instruction).  Should be some good local rides when the earth gets tilted back to "warm". SO looking forward to that!

Karate or Kung Fu or Tae Kwon Do or Whatever the flavor is - looks like fun. Part of the energy that threw me out of bed was Pissed Off Mojo. So maybe good to give that gal something to do. Keep her away from the keyboard, you know?
:)
hai-ya!
v