tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48068003668240453092024-03-14T10:45:04.963-05:00Here lies Vicki, a Free ElfThoughts about things I'm paying attention to...vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.comBlogger262125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-85311844533468228802018-05-30T19:41:00.000-05:002018-05-30T19:41:19.874-05:00It's been a while. Nice to recall how to get on here and to feel closer to my Dad, who likely still reads this. But over my shoulder. Once I find my laptop I'll do a proper update.vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-49057663783874927872016-11-23T06:06:00.000-06:002016-11-23T06:06:36.707-06:00Enjoy Holidays with Those You Love and (maybe) Make the World a Better Place<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->As the reality of changes in our country starts to settle
in, during the turmoil in the change of administrations, our
thoughts naturally turn to “How the hell are we going to get thru Thanksgiving!?”.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
What if we just talked?<br />
<br />
What if we talked in order to move forward, or maybe to decide <b>IF</b> we want to move forward?<br />
<br />
We can decide not to ditch our best ideas as a nation, and not swing with the winds that seem to grip us right now.<br />
<br />
If we can't agree on the best way to move forward, then it is crucial to start with our shared values, and to hear each other. Being mad and upset are often warranted. There are injustices, and sometimes horrible events (swastikas, murder of blacks, of police officers, etc.).<br />
<br />
Moving forward doesn't mean to forget the past, or to be politically inactive, but rather to learn how to deal with what is, and find a way to make things better. <br />
<br />
Hopefully you have friends and family who see
things differently than you. It's how our best thoughts are developed, in my experience, through discussion and feedback, sometimes challenging feedback. I also hope you are close enough to people of diverse backgrounds, so close you easily
share various beliefs and discuss. If not, <b>this post is fundamentally about
building/rebuilding trust so you can be heard and also hear their
thoughts. </b><br />
<br />
<b>(</b>If you are really angry, btw, and need to vent, rail, or gloat, might be too soon to engage with people who want to argue, or make you defend yourself. Nothing will throw you off center like being mad as hell. Nothing wrong with being pissed off, but this post is about surviving the holidays and not about how to resolve all our differences - that takes more than a dinner or weekend together, and I'd propose we won't ever solve even most of our differences. This post is about how to reconnect to those you love, even if you don't understand them and hate or love the changes.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are my best practices and thoughts, based on years of
personal research while living in “mixed” families (conservative/liberal/libertarian/green/feminist,
north/south/midwest, black/white/Asian/Latino communities, LGBTQ,
educated/uneducated, poor/wealthy, urban/rural, Christian/Jewish and SEC
football).<br />
<br />
[Disclaimer: I am white, Jewish, Southern, socially progressive, fiscally conservative, common sense bound. I can't know if this information applies across cultures, but it seems that the goal of being able to connect to and enjoy our friends and family is important for all of us. Would love to hear from people of color and other views, as long as all are respectful.] </div>
<h2 class="MsoNormal">
Before You Get There</h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Heading1Char"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Find Touchstones </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our best touchstones are shared values – look for and remember
what you share with the people you love or know. I’ve found that all my family
and friends share these core values with me: </div>
<ul>
<li>We love our families and especially our children</li>
<li>We are proud of our country</li>
<li>We love our history – national, local and personal histories
are a source of pride, even if some is ugly. (acknowledging some is horrible : for Native Americans, for blacks, for many immigrants past and present, for women, for LGBTQ, for those in poverty - I feel this pain daily, tho I am white, educated, CIS, and fairly middle class)</li>
<li>We have all survived hard times, and it changes us. What we come
to believe from our experiences may differ, but our experiences themselves are
remarkably similar: deaths, births, marriages, divorce. Aging, ailments. We
have losses and joys, pride and shameful events. </li>
<li>Our shared narrative builds connections, and connections
build trust. Trust allows us the freedom to work on solutions, without fear of
the Other. These people may see the world differently, but remember they are
simply seeking the same respect you deserve.</li>
</ul>
<h3>
Gut Checks</h3>
<h4>
What are Your Goals? </h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
Are you going to spend time with
family and friends because you love them and want to build memories? Do you
value your connections with those you love and perhaps family you married “in
to” over the differences that separate you? If so, it makes sense to plan to have
a good time. It’s also smart to be prepared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
If your goal is to try to
change minds, you may want to consider a) Do you have a real chance of changing
someone’s view if you try to force it? b) Could you be wrong on some things? c)
Having an agenda is ALWAYS discernable. You know when they have one, and they
know when you do. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
When going home for the
holidays, it helps me to remember other good times we’ve had, especially with
those who don’t share my views. Holding those memories lets me not only look
forward to seeing them, but allows me to remind them, given the chance, of our
shared good memories.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
I love to lower my
expectations. If I can enjoy a great time when in a hectic pressurized environment,
lovely. If it goes off the rails, well, I won’t be surprised. I’ll do my best
to keep conflict down, and release my resentments and any other baggage. In
advance! And I won’t be picking up and carrying around anyone else’s baggage/crap either.</div>
<h4>
Is This a Good Time to Visit? </h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
Your ability to navigate these turbulent
waters, or at least to do it well, depends on the nature of your life and mind
set right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
My reactions to the election
results have moved from “Ok – wow.” To “Let’s get it.” stoicism, mixed with
cynicism and hope, to concern, to heightened concern. Through all of this I see
reconnecting with my family and friends as a crucial step in both holding this
administration and congress accountable, and moving the country forward. So for
me it’s a core value to be with family this holiday PLUS, I’m the The Momma.
(see Power Base below). But being with family right now isn’t for everyone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
It is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i></b> ok to back off
going to family events if that is what you need for you and your immediate
family (thinking of children and partners here). You may decide you can manage
a day trip, or will need a shorter visit. You may need to plan some relief time
(away, either by yourself or with a small group) or have a friend to call or
text if you get in a bad place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
Remember, the reason you are
making the effort to see family and friends is because you love them, right?
You don’t have to agree with them to appreciate the shared history, the new
memories you are making, and to reconnect. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
I’ve found I share values with
the people I love – always. In difficult times it is very helpful to focus on
the things you agree upon, rather than where you disagree. </div>
<h3>
Self Care</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many of us have learned that caring for ourselves is crucial
for all the work we do in our lives. For me this was most difficult when the
kids were little and I was working full time, or single parenting teens and working,
etc. or working several jobs while I started a business. You get the point.
Life is busy. Given the nature of employer expectations (lower staff, higher
needs for productivity) and the multitude of demands in our lives, here is a
good reminder: <b>We can do no great things. We must do small things, with great
love.</b> (Mother Theresa).<br />
<br />
To the extent that you are centered and balanced in your
self, you will be able to offer more support to yourself during difficult
encounters, and to the people you are talking with. Yuge bonus: you’ll be a
better parent, partner, progeny, sibling, friend, etc. to those you love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<h4>
<span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Self-care looks like this</span></span>: </h4>
getting enough
sleep, remembering to eat well, actually eating well, allowing more time to get
things done, taking things <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">off</i></b> your plate, getting down to
essentials, simplifying, lowering your expectations, taking breaks, taking
walks, working out, having some silly fun, not over working in any arena, being
able to be kind and firm with others and yourself, saying No thank you or Yes
or Let me think about that when you need to, reaching out to supportive
friends, journaling, breathing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
If you need to, make a list and keep it with you during the
holidays. Notice when you are tense, hungry, lonely, tired or angry. Treat
yourself as beloved, and you will be able to treat others this way too.</div>
<h3>
Power Check </h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where are you on the balance of things? Can you risk a
disagreement? Will you be baited or teased? Be aware that if you argue with the
Grand Dame/Master of the Family, you may be in for automatic loss. If you ARE the head of the family, or a key figure, don't abuse it. <br />
<br />
Be
strategic, and engage only when it’s safe and there aren’t retributions / costs
that are too high. If someone is paying your way through college, you gain more
by finishing school without debt than by winning an argument. </div>
<h4>
Corrollary: Safety </h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you feel safe? Some discussions need to be away from
larger groups. What does it take to feel safe? Are there certain people you
feel are more open to conversation about sensitive topics? Is conversation with
one person better than a small group? </div>
<h3>
There’s a Time for Every Purpose under Heaven</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And a place. Consider where and when it might be good to
have a conversation, and know when and where is not the best place. At a large
dinner may be the worst option.<br />
<br />
Some families are deciding in advance not to discuss politics. That's one idea and not a bad one. It can eliminate large discussions/disagreements, but allows that individual conversations happen.<br />
<br />
If you think someone will bring up politics, you don’t have
to engage/participate. If you think someone is going to challenge you, gloat or
ask your opinion, be ready with an easy response. One great answer is “You may
be right.” Powerful because you aren’t agreeing, but you aren’t disagreeing
either.<br />
<br />
Being authentic can also be powerful, “I have some dear
friends who are [black, Hispanic, gay, old, sick, young, Muslim, sexual assault
victim, Jewish, etc.] and they are really afraid of [_______] and I am worried
for them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Consider if people are drinking, and adjust your strategy
accordingly. You may choose to leave early, or go do another activity if people
get too attached to their drug of choice. Treat it like you would any other
“not you” activity. If you hate football, you may already have some strategy
for avoiding a big, loud game.<br />
<br />
If you don’t drink, or are very moderate, you will be less
likely to lose your cool in the face of those who may want to engage in debate.</div>
<h3>
Escape Routes – Have One </h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you had a tired, fussy child or partner, or a bad knee,
or some other challenge, it would be wise to plan for it before a social event.
You may have to be prepared to exit graciously for the sake of the child, or
because you knee makes you uncomfortable. In difficult conversations, give yourself a plan to get a break,
get out and decompress if you need it. </div>
<h2>
When You Get There </h2>
<h3>
Groundrules</h3>
See if you can get agreement in advance to have a respectful conversation, and to take a break if it gets too heated. Then lead with something that states shared values, and good questions. <br />
<h3>
Curiosity - Seek First to Understand</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
Steve Covey, rest his soul, was amazing on this point.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised
at how well it goes when I stay open and centered. Once a gnarly old uncle, who
I loved for his sweet grumpiness, surprised me by stating emphatically a
liberal position on some issue. The family and he were generally very conservative. I was shocked, but went on to have a nice
conversation, with my reinforcing his belief (I think in the need for healthcare reform, something about insurance companies). For me it was a refreshing
exchange, in spite of our many differences (religion, education, gender,
political beliefs, etc.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For him, it may
have made me seem smarter, or maybe I just made it safe to say something he
believed, in spite of the family history of rural conservativism. Either way, we connected and built a small but powerfully warm memory. I love this man, and accept his entire self, even the hard parts. </div>
<h3>
Have Open Questions </h3>
What do you really want to understand? What
one thing tipped them most toward supporting Trump? What one thing would
have made them not support Trump? Were there other candidates they
preferred? Who would they make president if they could decide, and why? <br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Don’t be a Punching Bag</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I told my beloved conservative son last week I was not his
liberal punching bag, as we ended a heated exchange via text. (Pro tip: don’t
engage in difficult conversations via text or social media. Our ancient
foremothers and fathers did face time, and broke bread together.) You can try
to have a conversation, but be willing to give it up easily. If someone lets go
of one end of a rope in tug of war, there is no fight. Just try to be nice when
you let go.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Don't take Swings at People</h3>
No smirking. No Sarcasm. And never use your power to win a point forcefully, or hurt others. If you are smarter or more educated, be willing to consider that people who aren't may really resent you for seeming to lord it over them. And maybe you actually have done this in the past. Own your part in any past conflicts. </div>
<h3>
Don’t Argue.</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Discussions are ways to examine various views. Arguments and
debates tend to be about proving each other wrong, or besting. Conversations
explore and remain open, capturing nuances, and allow for contradictions (in
views and feelings). </div>
<br />
<h3>
Be Compassionate</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing removes the fight like appreciating where someone is
coming from. Remember a time when you appreciated someone being kind to you?
And how good it felt to be kind when someone needed you to stand up for them?
We can extend the same thoughtfulness to someone who sees the world
differently. It doesn’t mean you agree with their conclusions.<br />
<br />
My dear Mom keeps lots of things : food, extra clothes, useful tools, knick
knacks, and beautiful antiques. She grew up in a wealthy home with all her material needs met. But at
14 her father died. Quickly the family fortunes disappeared in
the inept care of the remaining partners in her Dad’s firm. After she worked her way through
college, she married a man with a big heart, but uneven work history, just as
his dad before him. As a result of her financial struggles, she doesn’t like to
talk about money, or let the shelves get too bare. When I let myself remember
why she finds it hard to talk about money, it’s easier to appreciate that I
don’t have to know everything about her finances, even if I ask with the best of
intentions (to help her carry her burdens, or to protect her). </div>
<h3>
Be Honest</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No need to hide who you are. Ever notice how old people seem
so comfortable with who they are? Imagine you are already old, (if you aren’t)
and be honest without being hurtful.</div>
<h3>
Be Funny </h3>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
If
a chance comes up, to be funny, take it. Nothing dispels tension like laughter.
Be careful that you aren’t mean spirited. Most of all, be willing to laugh at
yourself. </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<h3>
Be Prepared and Brief</h3>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
When
I talk to anyone about my concerns about Trump I mention one or two key
concerns, and then let it drop. </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
Sometimes bible scripture is a good supporting reference. I don’t use it often, but
I can make biblical references with the best of them. It’s damn handy when I need it. This is not a suggestion for using sacred texts against people who believe. All our leaders have great ideas, or they wouldn't be leaders. It's good to quote them, when you can.<br />
<br />
Talk
about good experiences with people of other races / backgrounds/ beliefs too. It’s
ok to talk about what surprised you. The kids at the mosque where I was at an
interfaith dinner the other week were better behaved than my own, gracious and
sweet, while still typical kids. If you don’t describe people who are “other”
then some of your family and friends may never hear of positive experiences. </div>
<h3>
Conflict</h3>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
Diffuse
it. If necessary, be direct. You can ask someone if they are being mean on
purpose. What would you tell your kids or some younglings about how to handle
bullies? You can do the same things for yourself. </div>
<h3>
Be Vulnerable </h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
IF it’s safe, you can let your guard down. Sometimes the
best breakthroughs in any tough conversation come from allowing that you are
afraid or mad at yourself for something. Or admit you don’t know something.
This also allows others to acknowledge what they don’t know.</div>
<h3>
Be Human</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Naturally you’ll want to, as much as possible, follow rules
of civil engagement: use “I statements”, keep your tone normal, and breathe.
Remember to take breaks. Rome wasn’t built in a day. We have real work to do.
And you don’t have to go it alone.<br />
<h3>
Let it Go</h3>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
Speaking
of scripture, I find that prayer helps me center myself, no matter where I am.
I can pray right on top of a conversation. Down south we say “Well bless your
heart.” And sometimes mean it. Some may meditate, some may need to move or
clean or play. But it’s ok to just :</div>
<h3>
Change the Subject!</h3>
Totally legit way to take a break. Or be
direct and ask for a break or wrap up. This is easier if you first let them know
you'd like to continue talking about it later.<br />
<h3>
"Stick the Landing"/Finishing Well</h3>
It's good to end a tough conversation with appreciating the hard work it was for both of you. Even if you didn't agree on much, you can acknowledge where you did agree. Give yourselves credit. It isn't easy. But it's essential.<br />
<h2>
Reclaiming the Middle</h2>
Some think the two parties have lost touch with their voters,
which allowed Trump to take control because he was willing to take
beliefs of many working class (read, hard working folks) and galvanize
that base. If we are willing to hear each other, we can be more effective in holding our elected officials accountable for their work. After all, they work for us. And we have the ability to make the world a better place. For us, for our children, for all.<br />
<br /></div>
<h2>
Resources: </h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.whatisessential.org/news/check-out-our-guide-conversations-across-red-blue-divide">Guide
for Conversations Across the Red-Blue Divide</a> </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Restorative Justice </span></div>
<u><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/774088.Difficult_Conversations">Difficult
Conversations</a></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/242545.If_the_Buddha_Got_Stuck?from_search=true">If
the Buddah Got Stuck</a></u>, and anything else by Charlotte Kasl</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/162431.The_Dance_of_Connection?from_search=true">Dance
of Connection</a>, and anything else by Harriet Lerner</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Steve Covey – all of it. Everything he's ever written.</div>
vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-66717334905150062292014-03-12T05:43:00.002-05:002014-03-12T05:43:47.560-05:00I feel a little bad for not posting for so long. The muse has been around, I just didn't pour her -eek! <i><b>invite </b></i>her here, onto this electronic page.<br />
<br />
I kind of miss the tool that let me do quick easy posts on my blog... I think it was perhaps a google tool.. I think I stopped using it because Google became so freaking invasive. One of the (many) reasons I don't like being tracked digitally is that it takes up brain space.<br />
<br />
Like remember when we had to navigate without GPS but use maps, handwritten notes, have conversations with people, sometimes LOTs of people, and we somehow got from point A to point B. Remember how it took up a lot of brain space to do all that?<br />
<br />
So now, many of us mostly navigate with tools, and it makes it easier. We get to have that brain space for something else.<br />
<br />
Thinking about how every single key-stroke can be saved somewhere takes up brain space. This pisses me off. So I'm working on stopping that brain wave, and still being able to maintain some semblance of privacy. (20 years ago it didn't matter if "they" collected all your data, they couldn't do anything with it. Now technology allows too much analysis of keywords - hell, all words.)<br />
<br />
But the power of instant articles from across the globe has its advantages to be sure.<br />
<br />
In online meanderings last year I came across an interesting guy. <a href="https://madmanknitting.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/i-was-questioned-by-the-police/" target="_blank">It was a post on Huffingtonpost about this guy in a coffee shop, who looked homeless, some cops and the knitting.</a> Read it - good piece.<br />
<br />
I've enjoyed <a href="http://madmanknitting.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">checking out his site</a>, and reading his views. Like a lot of bloggers, he is an excellent writer, but has gone through the pain of sudden fame.This forces a writer to make a choice: be more "politic", mild, perhaps offend fewer folks, also a privacy choice for many, or ... go for the jugular. In writing, I think there is a lot more payoff when the jugular is loved on. Not necessarily torn open, tho that is another place to find good stuff :) (can be damn messy, in my experience).<br />
<br />
Finding one's voice is so hard in writing. And keeping it. Hell, in life, same problem, right? ("I know, right?!")<br />
<br />
Being authentic takes guts. To me, it pays off. <br />
<br />
Earlier tonight I was wondering about how presidents and politicians seem to enjoy the company of famous people, movie stars, as we used to call them. It dawned on me that much of this must be from shared experiences of living under scrutiny. Yeah yeah, there is the "cool" factor, from both sides, in hanging out with other hot shots. I get that.<br />
<br />
But living under constant scrutiny, the "public lens", is a different level of difficult, and in both politics and ... stardom, there must be the constant struggle to maintain one's "center" or essential self. If you don't, well, we know what happens to those folks. They get into drugs, drinking, sex, or shooting weird pics of their private parts. Or they let the power go to their head, or they check out, or whatever.<br />
<br />
Similar to the "brain space" comments above, I would think it exhausting to learn to maintain your core self, in the strong buffeting of exposure to, well, everyone. Interviews, radio, TV, internet, appearances, etc. Yeesh. How many of us would actually choose that life?<br />
<br />
How many of us would REALLY be president, if given the chance? Not for a day, but <i><b>four</b></i> long freaking years. No wonder they come out of office deeply aged. Also, mellowed, I'd like to think.<br />
<br />
It really is service, no matter what else. You become *<i><b>owned</b></i>* by the public. You BELONG to the people. Ego is needed, sure, but it also gets crushed in the process.<br />
<br />
I was hopeful that Obama would come out as an ardent Moderate. Defender of the Middle Class, the Common People, Uniter, Reasonable Man, and Leader of the Entire Country.<br />
<br />
I was hopeful.<br />
<br />
I'm sad that he's seemed pretty unable to bring Knights (and Ladies) to the Round Table, to form consensus in the midst of this divisive country where extremism is allowed to set the agenda and name the costs that we all must pay.<br />
<br />
Most of us are Moderates. Did you know that? Like 70% or more identify as Moderates.<br />
<br />
So whassup with the fanatics taking over? Really? Are we that naive? Once upon a time we were all a bit less easily impressed by the shenanigans of the far right or left. Surely <a href="http://uk.ask.com/wiki/Joseph_McCarthy" target="_blank">McCarthy </a>taught us something. And drug parties of excess (I was too young, don't look at me). And other countries torn apart by radicalism: Ireland, Israel, now Syria, Egypt, Afghanistan, Pakistan, stable Turkey even being affected.<br />
<br />
Maybe we should stick with <a href="http://episcopaldigitalnetwork.com/ens/2013/10/16/from-5-women-in-a-nashville-home-to-a-nationwide-movement/" target="_blank">Radical Love</a>. :)<br />
<br />
I'm Sticking to my Knitting. My family, my job, my friends. Finding fewer causes. That's ok. The ones I care about get vintage that is worth something.<br />
hugs<br />
v<br />
<br />
<br />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-6971852172315170742013-07-04T15:25:00.003-05:002013-07-04T15:25:59.770-05:00Safety BetI've been lazy for the last few years. My passwords are different on every account, most are long, and yes they include at least a cap(ital) letter and a number, and sometimes even a symbol. But that's still lazy for a geek. I need a p/w vault.<br />
<br />
I counted up my passwords the other day. Pretty sure there are about 15. None of them are written down around my desk. All live in my head. (I printed a good many of them out once (in case of emergency) then killed the file. Well, I think I did. If I didn't, it doesn't matter because I'm getting ready to change all p/w in my life anyway.)<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoYX0fIJlhLMPiEHf0uZbjqrpdwbxlM9PfbDYzQfT95qZPAfMT07ryJrEmsvcbNJyWE7_sG9cGh6amivvKVHHmHINPzyZigko21GyitdsgDtZcGGwlUlbqBCgsaNxZMxs6GJHNEOkt_KrF/s500/hack_usa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoYX0fIJlhLMPiEHf0uZbjqrpdwbxlM9PfbDYzQfT95qZPAfMT07ryJrEmsvcbNJyWE7_sG9cGh6amivvKVHHmHINPzyZigko21GyitdsgDtZcGGwlUlbqBCgsaNxZMxs6GJHNEOkt_KrF/s400/hack_usa.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
The Point is, with a new job (in safety/security) I'm all out of brain room for more passwords! I already created a few new ones at work, in my first week, and yea, today I'm researching password vaults and getting "up to speed". In other words, install, figure it out, use it, try to break it. Usually in that order :)<br />
<br />
Here is my advice, in the form of an email to my kids, husband, friends, family: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Greetings - It shouldn't be a surprise that with the new job I'm investigating,
learning and setting up better protection for my accounts.<br />
<br />
Below is some of my research. I like <a href="http://lifehacker.com/5879117/how-to-build-a-nearly-hack+proof-password-system-with-lastpass-and-a-thumb-drive" target="_blank">this first article </a>because it pretty much
tells you how to use the best tools plus a "hack" to make a thumb drive
a physical "key" to keep all your passwords safe. Good idea *and* you
can share a p/w file, (holding one or a few passwords) without showing
what the p/w actually is. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2407168,00.asp" target="_blank">Two nice </a>overview <a href="http://www.digitaltrends.com/computing/quick-guide-to-password-manager-apps/" target="_blank">articles </a>about password vault applications: <br />
<br />
Just
what it says, but also explains how professional hackers get away with your data : <a href="http://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/crack-this-how-to-pick-strong-passwords-and-keep-them-that-way/" target="_blank">how to make strong p/w </a><br />
<br />
If you haven't already, please download (pay for it!) Avast and keep your system clean and safe :)
btw,
<a href="https://lastpass.com/features_joinpremium.php?fromwebsite=1" target="_blank"> Lastpass </a>is
also for phones if you pay the $12 per year price. Sweet :)</blockquote>
vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-59417199539471796782013-06-23T23:40:00.000-05:002013-06-23T23:54:55.553-05:00FullnessSo much has been going on it's tough to slow down and capture it all. Still, I'm journaling most days. Feels good to work those writing muscles. <br />
<br />
In addition to a membership at <a href="http://www.curves.com/" target="_blank">Curves</a> I've added walking most of the other days, once it warmed up. The rest of the Spring was taken up recuperating from a grueling 9 months at a non-profit.<br />
<br />
Actually, I have also made some progress on my desk. Very. very. slowly.<br />
<br />
It's made me notice motivation and how low it is sometimes. To the point of <i>resistance. </i>A seemingly immovable force. Eventually, when the mood doesn't strike me, after weeks of waiting, I just go ahead and get it done, whatever it is. That's the thing about inspiration. Sometimes it just needs to be lassoed.<br />
<br />
While the days have been full, somehow April, May and now a chunk of June have slipped by without a lot of visible or earth shattering progress. "Stuff" gets done, but where does the time go?<br />
<br />
I started thinking about two big new things this Spring, well, three, and two are coming to pass. The third is germinating :)<br />
<br />
First, I began craving a new dog. Not just for me, but for the family. No really. It took a while to be able to articulate the reasons, but 1. Sparky is getting older (he's 9 now) and 2. it's not fair to add a dog in a year or two when he will be older and less likely to want to add a new family member, 3. he seemed to miss Maggie. Today on our walk we saw a neighbor we've met twice, with her dog. Sparky kept trying to get over to visit, even tho we were really too far away to get to them. It was sweet, and also confirmation that he is happier with another dog here. 4. I was longing for the affection of another dog. So yeah, we are doing it. Bringing Sadie home tomorrow - a rescue. Chill, peaceful gal, a rott mix they tell me. Smallish - 45 lbs. Will be nice to have her, especially with G around to bond with her, etc. Pictures coming soon.<br />
<br />
Second, been looking around for the next job. Sent a resume in in March, got a call in May and interviewed around May 21. Got a call a couple weeks later that they wanted to make me an offer, and last week <b><i>finally</i></b> got the offer. Or maybe it was the week before. Anyway, it's all but signed. I go in tomorrow to fill out paperwork. Cool spot - IT geek interface to the emergency management dept. for a large organization. Beautiful time off and great benefits. Lovin it. Always nice to see debt go away too!<br />
<br />
Third, we are seriously researching farming. The good news is there are lots of materials, groups, sites, etc. Bad news is it will be a year of research, in addition to our full time jobs. It's hard to wait. Stan and I had never really examined the idea very closely... then it seemed to click. We had both wanted to have our own farms for so long... well, it was decades for me, and he just said he'd always wanted to have a big farm.<br />
<br />
It won't likely be huge, with the price of land these days. But organic, sustainable, and enough to support us, yes. We can do that. Good that he used to care for cattle with a neighbor, when he was a
teenager, and worked the family gardens/farm. And I kept bees, chickens
and goats. I've shelled beans on a porch with old women. That must count for something!<br />
<br />
I'll keep the day job while we get started and very possibly until the end of time. (Right now I like this idea best.) He will run the farm and drive when it's off season. There is a great farmers market here, and many others in the area. Also have found there is strong demand for specialty crops and products going to chefs and restaurants in Chicago (and Indianapolis I bet) as well as a huge interest now in local foods, slow foods and sustainable agriculture. Nice to be here where one of the best ag schools in the country is located. Even local school systems are looking for fresh, local food.<br />
<br />
This week I visited <a href="http://www.7sistersfarm.com/" target="_blank">7 Sisters Farm</a> in Sidney, IL and <a href="http://morganicfarmcsa.com/" target="_blank">Morganics</a> in Michigan. These were the 3rd and 4th farmers I'd contacted, mind you. That they were generous enough to let me come visit, show me around, explain a bit about their approach, and give some advice was just heart warming. It was the hand up I needed.<br />
<br />
[The first two farms I asked for a visit/tour were either just "No" or "Can't, good luck". Note to self: always try to help out the new kids on the block.]<br />
<br />
We've applied for a local year long class for beginning farmers at our local (ag) extension office. If we get accepted it's free and supposed to be a good start. We might be able to get a VA loan, or a grant; or both, to get started.<br />
<br />
Once we figure out what we are doing, we'd like to find more ways to bring gardens into low income communities, and see what can be done for veterans and ex-offenders who are getting re-integrated into society. That may be the far-fetched part of all this, but I'm not above learning from scratch.<br />
<br />
Love the idea of teaching micro-housing and training men and women to build small, solid homes. So we will see. All kinds of possibilities... all kinds of good talent around here to ask for guidance. "Green" technology, including solar and geothermal need to be taught and tested somewhere...<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAao8KUc7C4TMePgrA8HC3Ln6GCvDBrfd5YNdl_GeFWQhIJn2ihszehcJ-i_lYlBIc-ijnmjY-2HUdVpulE19_-OK6hEufEz-t12ZqQF6gODp7ShgcSy3kHtc_YyXz0LaoN4jwYNavL4j/s1600/yarn+and+roving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeAao8KUc7C4TMePgrA8HC3Ln6GCvDBrfd5YNdl_GeFWQhIJn2ihszehcJ-i_lYlBIc-ijnmjY-2HUdVpulE19_-OK6hEufEz-t12ZqQF6gODp7ShgcSy3kHtc_YyXz0LaoN4jwYNavL4j/s320/yarn+and+roving.jpg" width="191" /></a><a href="http://www.7sistersfarm.com/" target="_blank">7 Sisters</a> was, by the way, just beautiful. The garden, the sheep, chickens, guard dogs, goats. Just loved it. Bought some amazing yarn (leicester and corriedale), and some lovely grey roving and want to go back for more! Cathe showed me the house they restored, and we had great conversation about land, local resources and how damned hard it is to keep horses in this part of the country! (Stan agreed later when I told him.)<br />
<br />
Genevieve, at <a href="http://morganicfarmcsa.com/" target="_blank">Morganics</a> was also gracious and showed me and Gwyneth around when we dropped in on her this week. We saw her road sign as we were heading to Leelanu way up in Michigan. There were 11 <i>adorable</i> English Shepherd puppies running around (I immediately wanted to bring one home) and beautiful bunnies (one spotted one like a dalmatian!). We came home with fresh eggs and a new idea - permaculture. Also learned that mushrooms put all kinds of good stuff back into the soil. Since they are first generation farmers Genevieve gave us a different kind of encouragement, especially since they are reclaiming some land that was tree farm (red pines) before and <i>all </i>of it is sandy soil. Nice big garden tho, moveable pens for the smaller livestock.<br />
<br />
She also had a couple of sheep and some hogs. Sells the English Shepherds too. All good investments I think. <br />
<br />
On both of these operations one spouse works "off farm". Both are in it tho to make more that a subsistence living (which I'm gathering means, more than support the family with food on the table). I see where diversifying is a good idea, where the cost of land and equipment is crucial, and where help, either in kids, interns, or paid help are critical.<br />
<br />
That's all I'm good for tonight. Off to read a little and consider. There's a full moon rising ;)vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-49209122976374377402013-06-11T23:40:00.000-05:002013-06-23T23:41:43.701-05:00Dancing by the light of the Moon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPzZcObgNrZF9lk2bXYyeFep2DKq4JFr_NXPi2xNrXEpciG6o2F75n4JpPLtRDbnArccn2aViUQeDYwbOghJtKOD-xZsM7DAw3lrlGidFzLffXUfu0SoyLON6qOL6SlU6T5853phyphenhyphenIyRf/s1600/Dragons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPzZcObgNrZF9lk2bXYyeFep2DKq4JFr_NXPi2xNrXEpciG6o2F75n4JpPLtRDbnArccn2aViUQeDYwbOghJtKOD-xZsM7DAw3lrlGidFzLffXUfu0SoyLON6qOL6SlU6T5853phyphenhyphenIyRf/s320/Dragons.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
tamed, even curled up with. Ridden, slain (a trick they pull, letting you think that you won).<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23J4iq04QUam40j7Mmjc5i16zCyRnfDqYSeXckSfNA5TmWgTayJ95io1ZA0v9ODELqe6CkxYCxmcnwoZA0wkpKG-c-SkEnRqNh5CJ0VYxMDIdOhdAIW1ook2-8XinzIffaFuxkq8ABE8L/s1600/IMAG1056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23J4iq04QUam40j7Mmjc5i16zCyRnfDqYSeXckSfNA5TmWgTayJ95io1ZA0v9ODELqe6CkxYCxmcnwoZA0wkpKG-c-SkEnRqNh5CJ0VYxMDIdOhdAIW1ook2-8XinzIffaFuxkq8ABE8L/s320/IMAG1056.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
But first they will terrify you.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGRrYF5xuY8azFICc8EcxRtiTgqHMrPhyphenhyphenhA0OZprfdNIrq77XUTqCElGl00IFnXD1BAkqpNCOE6GNtzQONoJhBCwyHPjshXsvII3VhKcwcixMrAOb5FRRf6TQFaMynwDzLjZTXmaEdneSk/s1600/IMAG1069.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGRrYF5xuY8azFICc8EcxRtiTgqHMrPhyphenhyphenhA0OZprfdNIrq77XUTqCElGl00IFnXD1BAkqpNCOE6GNtzQONoJhBCwyHPjshXsvII3VhKcwcixMrAOb5FRRf6TQFaMynwDzLjZTXmaEdneSk/s320/IMAG1069.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Sometimes they seem harmless.<br />
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It's not the battle that is key, it's the willingness, the wiley-ness. In my experience they appreciate the entertainment. <br />
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Sometimes they are young. Still ferocious.<br />
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And there is always treasure they hide, protect. You have to show you want it. <br />
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<br />
<br />
Raise your flagon. Cheers to dancing with dragons, your gorgeous, glittering shadow self.vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-27151131585883287912013-05-18T12:44:00.002-05:002013-06-23T23:50:56.114-05:00Mothers<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Started this post last week. I guess it's a reminder that parental units stay busy. All the time.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">G
asked me what is the hardest thing about motherhood. "All of it." She
asked again and I said "Slaying the dragons." She said, "What's the
hardest non metaphorical thing about motherhood?" I replied, "Yeah,
slaying the dragons." Led to a nice discussion of how mothering is being
hyper vigilant and also relaxed. At the same time. It's also being
patient when you've gone without sleep or rest for t<span class="text_exposed_show">oo long. It's keeping too many details in your head at once, and then learning not to do that.
It's studying to learn to do things differently than your instincts,
and other times it's following your instincts. It's hell. It's heaven.
I'm super blessed to have 6 kids now
and 4 grandchildren. And if I had world and time, I'd adopt older kids
who need a home. Thanks Mom, for teaching me there is always enough love
to go around.</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></span>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-10186011079750363442013-04-22T09:05:00.003-05:002013-06-23T23:52:07.757-05:00Clearly I have not the stamina nor discipline to post every day.<br />
<br />
The Good News is I do write. Every day. Religiously.<br />
<br />
Lately I've been capturing the scraps of writing in various forms. Using <a href="http://www.davidrm.com/" target="_blank">the Journal</a>, which I mentioned last week,<i> </i>I write and capture posts from FB nicely (I put them in the "notebook" section, not the daily journal section). I write in a physical journal (or two or three) and I compose emails, which at least I send to a special account that is just for the purpose of capturing my writing. Goal there is to capture more emails in the Journal, so there is a somewhat central suppository. No wait REpository <g>. <br />
<br />
My website is set up for the family business, but I'm going to add another website just for my random meanderings. And likely another for a new business. And a non-profit.<br />
<br />
All this in the works, along with getting my house in order (physically and digitally), the business in order (accounting and fiscally) and the relationships in order (reconnecting with people I haven't had time to enjoy for 9 months).<br />
<br />
It was a cool thing, to birth myself out of the last job. Well worth the carrying and pushing. Now there is a weird bit of transition, getting re-grounded, and cultivating new stuff.<br />
<br />
Putting legs under some of these new ideas is an altogether different matter. I do think I can grow my sideline business to support us, take care of essentials, keep income flow UP. And on the side* another business germinates. Like good writing ideas, it's important to protect it from frosts of people who would judge not nurture, yet it also needs the sunshine and warmth, so I share it with a few trusted friends.<br />
<br />
We shall see. It could be mental masturbation, but I don't think so. Even if it fails, at least I will have pursued it. That is what matters really. I've done this before and didn't get to see the idea/organization fully birthed. It was not meant to be, and I was ok. Good experience planning it all and then laying it to rest, as gracefully as possible. I've had many other successful enterprises. They have a creation curve, a lifespan, a return to dust. Legacy stuff and sustainability are topics for another day.<br />
<br />
For the sane, it's not just the chase (of ideas and new forms) that matters, but balancing stability with exploration. I live in a smaller town now, and that by definition can hinder risk taking. After all, in a community where there are less options, fewer ideas can be chased, with back up opportunities if your brilliant idea fails. In other words, everyone knows if you are a windmill chaser, and what that means is less certain ... outcomes** can be, well, overlooked in a large metropolis. Not so in more intimate settings.<br />
<br />
Just realized this is the first time since '85 I've lived in a smallish community. Hmmm... food for thought. I did find the small towns from '76 to '81 nice but constraining. Too small in some ways. Athens was just right, but then I yearned for Atlanta, the siren hussy Belle, and wonderful dance partner. She will always be my first big love, put stars in my eyes.<br />
<br />
One goal for this week is to to check out <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Green_%28author%29" target="_blank">John Green</a>'s*** and other vloggers' posts about online community and struggling with how to best connect. I'm considering blogs, vlogs, social media and other forms of building digital community. <br />
<br />
Also have more plans to sketch out. There is a garden to dig. No thought required at first, just pulling old stuff out, getting beds ready. That's what I love about housework I think. It's fairly simple work. No thinking required. Let's me rest.<br />
Shalom<br />
v <br />
<br />
*that's only two sides, so far.. I think home and hearth are truly my main vocations. This other stuff, businesses and community are avocations :)<br />
<br />
**by outcomes I mean failures of course but also successes. And therein lies another two-edged sword. Towns both discourage by their very nature people getting outside the box too much - it's what we do as tribe, only allow so much unknown/unfamiliar behavior. Yet small towns will love to support your success and care much more than cities. Cities encourage exploration and freedom, but care not a rat's ass if you fail. Harsher in their own way, cities sort of offer support, but not like towns. <br />
<br />
** I know little to nothing about John Green, but am curious and would like to find info on online communities / forums. Could help the next business grow support. One of my daughters loves Green - I've watch some of his vlogs. Glad he is out there being awesome.vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-13348476690324738942013-04-13T10:59:00.004-05:002013-04-13T10:59:50.387-05:00Online Conversations, IP and the Holocaust (or Winning over Evil)So tired of short posts on FB - it is where I live much of the time, keeps me connected to friends etc. Gives a forum for conversation. I think I'll take myself over here (blog) for a while and see if I have the stamina to post regularly.<br />
<br />
I write most days, and capture a lot of it in various electronic forms. Really don't like that the scant "intellectual property" I own is trapped in fb posts and on servers elsewhere. Call me old fashioned, I like my stuff to stay on my hard drive. This week I'll install a <a href="http://www.davidrm.com/thejournal/?gclid=CIefkdGAyLYCFc07Mgod6lEAMg" target="_blank">journal app</a> to keep my info secured on my own system. (love this app btw, <a href="http://www.davidrm.com/thejournal/tjresources.php" target="_blank">The Journal </a>rocks. I have it on one system and am going to purchase a small bundle of licenses for a select group of my beloveds who write. This guy David is amazing.)<br />
<br />
In the meantime, here is <a href="http://popchassid.com/photos-holocaust-narrative/" target="_blank">a great post</a> about the Holocaust, and our victory over evil!!! It's amazing:<br />
<br />
<img class="thumbnail" src="http://popchassid.com/wp-content/themes/folioway/core/thumb.php?src=/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/MargaretBourke-camp1-e1365050771327.jpg&w=640&h=240&zc=1&q=90" />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-57574532474267089212013-04-13T10:47:00.001-05:002013-06-23T23:52:26.440-05:00<div class="comment-author">
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My morning consisted of coffee and crafting a comment (below), on <a href="http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/03/13/humanity-is-transforming-and-changing-the-great-awakening/#comment-105917" target="_blank">this article</a>, "<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">Humanity Is Transforming And Changing: The Great Awakening<span style="font-size: small;">"</span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span>about human evolution and well, "awakening". The writer observes we are moving forward, and made reference to global warming, corporations, etc. The article wasn't half bad. I've read much much worse - sometimes drivel is so ridiculously inane you wonder that people read it. In fact it worries me that people read crap and then just buy in.<br />
<br />
But like I said, this article wasn't all bad, if a bit jargon heavy. Here is an excerpt:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It’s almost April 2013 and the planet is going through a mass
transformation. There are many aspects to this transformation, and in
the end one must come to realize the basic building block for global
change starts with us, humanity on a collective level, together. We are
being called to evolve past our current way of living, tap into our
infinite potentiality, let go of our training wheels and fly. We
continue to search for external factors like technology and alternative
ways to function, which is great. But humanity cannot evolve past its
current paradigm unless the souls on Earth themselves change first. From
that place of change we can begin to implement new ways of operating on
this planet which can propel us past our current limitations and into
an existence of abundance, peace , prosperity, and discovery. Humanity
must operate from a place of love, peace, cooperation, acceptance and
understanding if it is to move on and expand past the current
limitations and definitions it has placed upon itself. A portion of the
paradigm change we are witnessing on planet Earth today is people waking
up to what has really been taking place. This can be a tough process
because many humans have been made to believe certain realities are true
when they are not. Through the use of mainstream media, education and
more, we have been programmed with false ideas and belief systems of how
the world and the industries that govern it work. We’ve also been
programmed with the idea of how to be, how to act, and what to do in
certain situations. This type of programming has taken us away from our
soul’s voice, our heart, and our ability to be our true self. We are a
young race, and we are only just discovering our hearts now.</blockquote>
<br />
Not bad actually. It gets a bit "airy" but he/she makes a few good points: People are paying attention. Programming happens. The soul is different from the heart and the self. I like "We are a young race."<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, she/he doesn't back up the good points and then goes a bit off the rails to blaming.<br />
<br />
To my mind blaming corporations, the government, and even human nature is besides the point and it really is a huge part of the problem. (By the problem, I mean challenges to evolution.) We need to understand all of these components to be sure. But making arguments that can't be backed up, along with lazy consumption of info and general lack of intellectual rigor keep us from moving forward. Flabby thinking and inferior leaders will lead us into the pits of hell.<br />
<br />
I just went back and read the ending to the article, something about "all we have to do is follow our hearts" and I'm feeling nauseous now. Ug. Ok, ok, the ending was bad. <br />
<br />
Here's why: "Follow your heart" is good advice for many situations. It doesn't exactly fend off global warming. It also doesn't make other things "better", like parenting. Bad parenting comes from a lack of good tools, effective methods and strong role models. There are times you have to follow your heart as a parent, but it's crap for advice, because when the toddler is having a melt down in the grocery store, you really can't always hear your heart. Especially if you are a bit off your game.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: cyan;"><span style="background-color: black;">New thought: human evolution depends on good tools, effective methods and strong role models. </span> </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
So "follow your heart" is exactly what I hated in the Human Awakening article. But still, the author made other good points. Paul posted a practical comment, something like "only a
small number of people are paying attention". Here were my thoughts:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="comment-author">
<a class="url" href="http://www.dahlimama18.blogspot.com/" rel="external nofollow">goodtrouble [that's me]</a></div>
<div class="comment-status">
Your comment is awaiting moderation. </div>
<time class="comment-date" datetime="2013-04-13T11:25:25+00:00">
April 13, 2013 at 11:25 am </time>
</blockquote>
<div class="comment-message">
<blockquote>
Paul – I agree completely. It’s nice words.
But I’m a pragmatist. We are barely waking up, and there has always
*always* been a contingent of humans who are “waking up” aka,
discovering stuff before the rest. Love does indeed rule the spiritual
“universe” but Action, which come from ideas and their dissemination,
rule the physical world. I’m all about the overlap, and I know that
Peace begins at home, but really, “one world” if it ever happens is WAY
off (like in the distance/future).
<br />
<br />
I think recent research into the way people behave as individuals and
in groups when faced with an actual disaster (ship literally going
down) gives us the most insight into what to expect from people
generally when faced with facts of a building global environmental
crisis. Most people, in a disaster, freeze. It’s hard wired. Some – a
few – in contrast, react with “I’m going to survive” and they often make
it. Or they die trying. People who are trained for survival develop a
mind set. It’s like really good defensive drivers taking it to the next
level. (Read The Survivor’s Club if you want details: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Survivors-Club-Secrets-Science-Could/dp/B004TE6O2G/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365864803&sr=1-1&keywords=the+survivor%27s+club" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Survivors-Club-Secrets-Science-Could/dp/B004TE6O2G/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365864803&sr=1-1&keywords=the+survivor%27s+club</a>)
<br />
<br />
What else do we know? Humans don’t believe “it” can happen to them
(hence the deer in headlights first reaction) and therefore don’t plan
ahead. This is true if we are talking about rape, poverty, and complete
demise of an economic system or global environmental disaster. (For more
proof, See: completely inadequate lack of retirement planning for our
collective futures)
<br />
<br />
Finally, there is research lately that shows when confronted with
info that contradicts our beliefs, we tend to become more entrenched in
our (often erroneous) beliefs. (<a href="http://youarenotsosmart.com/" rel="nofollow">http://youarenotsosmart.com/</a>).
(The remedy to this, I believe, is rigorous dedication to truly
examining new information when it comes in, even if it blows all your
pet theories out of the water. This is why scientists are f-cking cool.
And could save our frail human asses. But then, as the author points
out, they tried to burn Galileo at the stake. Copernicus was the one who
first said the earth wasn’t flat, if I remember correctly, and he came
well before.)
<br />
<br />
I do question some assumptions and assertions in this article, such as :<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“They are owned by a handful of multinational corporations who we all
know are in control of government and governmental policy, such as Time
Warner, Disney, Viacom, News Corporation, CBS Corporation, and NBC
Universal. What is even more strange is that all of these corporations
have connections to each other. Multiple CEO’s and employees are members
of the Council On Foreign Relations and all of these organizations
always lead up to the same group of families, like the Rockefellers.” </blockquote>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I’m pretty sure that 1. the government isn’t capable of grand
conspiracies – they are too large and generally inefficient to pull it
off. 2. Corporations don’t run our government. Hello? Can anyone believe
that [corporations run our government] <strike>statement </strike>after the last US presidential election? I don’t
disagree that corporations have too much power, that capitalism has huge
flaws and that we have allowed people to hide behind the Corporate
Curtain (ala Wizard of Oz) but that is not the same thing. 3.
Corporations all have connections to each other because that is what
groups do. It’s sensible and effective and self-preserving. Whatever –
it’s what we are (ad hoc) doing right this minute. Connecting. So what.
4. CEOs are always members of various councils. Yes, some are from old
money. Again, big deal. Doesn’t prove a damn thing. In fact, let’s
consider “new money” and if there is more influence, across the planet,
from those in the Middle East with more money than they can spend. Rest
assured they love to invest in the American greenback.
So I said all that to say this: It. is. time. for us to get off our
armchair quarterbacking butts with all the intellectual flabbiness of a
nearly uneducated generation, attack our sense of entitlement* and
consider how we can make real change happen. It STARTS with actually
making sound arguments and cases for our beliefs. It ENDS with _doing_
something different. Like what? Like making a point to really, truly
respectfully listen to the “other side” aka all those who don’t get what
the hell is going on. If you treat them like morons, they will act like
morons. If you treat them like people, even including the CEOs! then
they may have an interest in what you are saying.
<br />
<br />
I really hope this comment section let’s me go on this long. Paul,
thank you for getting me started. I needed to coagulate these thoughts. <br />
Namaste. Be a warrior.
<br />
<br />
*the idea that we are either doomed and so will sit asana or that someone else will fix the problem</blockquote>
Bottom line is I wouldn't have commented if I hadn't thought there was enough intellectual prowess (in the author and the readers) to work with in the first place.<br />
<br />
Reading all this and commenting also makes me bow at the feet of composition teachers everywhere.<br />
<br />
[Please forgive the crappy formatting in my post. I have too much to do to dig into the html to fix it. Yes, I'm being technilogically lazy ass.] </div>
vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-32934357796436943072012-12-15T10:27:00.001-06:002012-12-15T10:54:56.050-06:00Out of Our WayChildren are at the center of this tragedy in Connecticut. Yesterday I could barely think about it, the horror is so large. I had to keep it in my peripheral vision.<br />
<br />
We had our Shabbat Rocks service for the children last night, and I couldn't go. I just couldn't. Likewise I missed the regular evening service. I had to stay home with my little family, rest, recoup. Not think too much about the hearts that are shattered, all over the world. In heaven and earth.<br />
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Today I've decided to write instead of go pray with my tribe. To me it is a form of prayer. Or maybe I will go to services. There is true comfort in ritual, in prayers together, in praising G-d when the unthinkable happens. Our <a href="http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Death_and_Mourning/Burial_and_Mourning/Kaddish.shtml" target="_blank">Mourners Kaddish</a> was created, it is said, for just that reason. To exalt G-d when we may be tempted to curse G-d in our grief. And it must be said in community, among those who love us, those who support us.<br />
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Some other thoughts are slowly becoming clear to me.<br />
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Our <b>children </b>need us - and it takes a village to raise a child. If you aren't exhausted by parenting, you aren't doing it right. Parents need us. We have to help each other. The children too <i><b>need us. Especially children with odd parents</b></i>.<br />
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Pretending like it is not our problem is not good enough. Not doing anything is contributing to the kind of tragedy that we see now in a nice, small town of regular people. Under "normal" veneers, we all have our local quirks, and the dangerous among us ask for help long long before they act. <br />
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The mentally ill are always with us. What we can do to help is NOT ignore it. Stay involved. Yes, keep informed. <br />
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I once lived on a street where a very bipolar mom lost custody of her 3 children. We neighbors were all so relieved. It was sad. We liked her (sometimes). But we loved the kids. Even the "bad" one (who is doing much better now). I made a point to talk to those in authority to help make sure accurate information was being conveyed. I knew when to alert the professionals. I pray for them all still.<br />
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Think about how alone children feel who are being raised by <b>parents </b>who are harsh, angry, punishing. Think about how lonely neglected children are. These are our children too. A kind word, an encouraging smile, a willingness to listen. These matter. Children all deserve our love and attention. Offer to help the single parent who is over worked and over stressed, and be kind to the kid who is suspicious of you. Get involved in some way. Let's go out of our way for them.<br />
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Schools need us more than ever. <b>Teachers </b>have so many children, so many challenges. They are there to help support parents, but also have to make up for parents who don't know how to be loving and kind, or who never show up for conferences, or are absent all together. Show up in school, help out. Tutor a child, or join <a href="http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm" target="_blank">Big Brother or Big Sister</a>. We can go out of our way to help.<br />
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<b>Comforting those who are in mourning</b> is Jewish law. It's a commandment, a mitzvah. It also allows us to DO something in times of tragedy. I volunteer on the Consolation Committee here in my town; we simply help serve and clean up at Shiva (service of mourning) in the bereaved family's homes.<br />
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Anyone who suffers needs someone to reach out. And if their suffering is prolonged, then so too should our support be steadfast. It gives hope to those who are in despair. <br />
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Every time we take time to be involved with our schools, with our churches, mosques and temples, with <b>our communities</b>, we strengthen all of us. It takes going out of our way, out of our own lives and out into the circles of people you know. It takes tracking down who needs help.<br />
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<b>The Helpers: </b>Mental health professionals and fire and police professionals also need our support. Don't forget our clergy.<br />
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If the loss of so many lives is horrific to us, imagine the challenge to those first responders. Imagine the medical personnel, the professionals who will work around the clock to help the families, friends, the entire town, the family and friends far-flung, the county. Those who provide comfort on a daily basis, social workers, counselors, pastors, rabbis, medics, all of them. They need our appreciation - not just in times of outstanding grief, but in times of City Council meetings, and when we are voting local officials into office. Local budgets support our helping professionals. Make a point to get involved.<br />
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On a state and national level, remember we have cut funding for years from mental health programs. We now have more mentally ill people on the streets (I see them all the time) than ever before. It's not easy to get treatment for a huge part of the population that are not covered under insurance, but don't qualify for free care. We can bring some pressure on our representatives to keep funding reasonable.<br />
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National organizations set the standards and are charged with distributing grants and making sure local programs are effective. <a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml" target="_blank">Check out this excellent site, NIMH</a>. Remember they help with programs for victims of violence, disaster relief, and soldiers coming home from war, only to fight their own battles at home, as they learn to reintegrate into society and their loving families.<br />
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It's clear why people chose to live in small towns. They know one another, they love each others children, they celebrate together and they mourn together. They share values, they agree to treat each other well. They help each other daily. Regularly. It is a part of their lives. They almost always know who is disturbed, and the police force knows, and the mental health professionals know. The shelters know.<br />
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Yes, people get lost in larger towns, in cities, but it doesn't have to happen. Many large cities still have their street, their building, their neighborhood. They still have families and friends and all the places we connect as people, raising our children, caring for our elderly. <br />
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Knowing is not enough. There has to be action. Caring, loving, but action that keeps people safe - from themselves. It keeps us all safe. We must go out of our way.<br />
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If we want to slow down the insanity that breaks our hearts and terrifies our children, we must value and strengthen community more. There is much independence in this country, and that is good. But it can only work as a society with the loving and sure ties of those we live among.<br />
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WE are the safety net.<br />
v<br />
ps. and yes, guns and gun laws play a part. However, in a strong community this isn't the issue. People who own guns, in my opinion, have one of three reasons. Either they do so for practical reasons, like they live in the country, (where yes, there are animals and sometimes they hunt) or 2. because they are afraid and feel like they need protection/defense. Or 3. because they are up to no good - illegal use, mass murder etc. Or some combination of these three. (I'm sure some would say there is a "cool" factor or "because I can" factor but I'm not going there.)<br />
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There is only one group that needs no guns. Others may need oversight. Cops will tell us, beg us not to let everyone own or carry. It's a tough topic, and there are not easy answers. Just like the abortion debate, we need better thinking. All abortions shouldn't be legal, nor should all abortions be illegal. That's stupid. All guns shouldn't be legal. Nor should NO guns be legal. vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-14386819164966760942012-11-25T10:38:00.001-06:002012-11-25T10:38:41.276-06:00Relationships are like LeggosMy first big class - as a trainer - was in I guess early 1990. I'd taught before, so could handle a large group. Maybe 50 people were in this Excel class. First level spreadsheets, and desktops had only been out for a few years, laptops even less. People needed knowledge, guidance. I had been on spreadsheets for 4 years! An old pro.<br />
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Still that was a lot of people for my 27 year old self to handle.<br />
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A few days ago I looked at the building where it took place, on Roswell Road in ATL. Next door to one of my favorite stores. I like to pause and just remember where all my training work started, how new and nervous I was, how the world looked to me back then.<br />
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The class started well enough, me explaining that a cell is the intersection of a row and a column. Then I talked about cell addresses, A1, A2, B1, B2. Fairly smoothly I chattered along. I wasn't great (that would come later ;) but I had most of the class following along.<br />
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But there was one spot of disruption. Someone was getting help from those next to her. When I finally stopped long enough to help, I quickly realized that she didn't get the most fundamental concept. A cell. I asked her to press the spacebar, on the keyboard, and she couldn't find it.<br />
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It was a moment of complete melt down. <br />
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She was totally overwhelmed, slammed against the wall of her greatest fears, unable to follow the most simple command. She ended up fleeing at the first break. I felt bad for her but we had to muster thru the day.<br />
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What's interesting about her and that experience for me was how much I got out of it.<br />
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I still identify with that sense of being lost. It gave me a chance to become a great trainer and a much better teacher. I began to make sure everyone in my classes got the fundamental concepts. I refused to teach large classes where I couldn't make eye contact with everyone in those few seconds between sentences, after I'd made an important point.<br />
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I learned to start class with some basics: here is what we are going to learn, here is the order of things, here is a question box, where I will put your question if we are not to that topic yet or I need to fit it in somewhere else.<br />
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Most important, I learned to describe the learning curve, the way a class (and learning curves) could make you panic, or lost or both. I made it clear that breathing was important. And stopping. Here is the list I refined, in the early 90s. Rules for when you were lost:<br />
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1. Don't panic.<br />
2. Stop.<br />
3. Breathe.<br />
4. Ask for help.<br />
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Later I added "Listen." before Ask for Help, since I usually repeated myself several times on each step. <br />
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Yesterday I realized that in relationships I had missed a fundamental piece many many years ago, much like the woman who didn't understand a cell in spreadsheets. It's very simple, but crucial to the entire fabric, the flow and the understanding of relationships with humans.<br />
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I hadn't learned that people connect and disconnect and reconnect.<br />
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That's it.<br />
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I knew it intellectually, I got it cerebrally. But I hadn't got it at gut level, AND I had suffered a trauma around disconnecting. My biological dad had limited relationship skills, so he and Mom split when I was like 3 or so. Common story. But a child's interpretation of events colored my view. Disconnecting meant Dad went away and didn't come back.<br />
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It could happen again. Various deaths reinforced this idea/world view. <br />
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Swear, I was in my 40s. Fortys. before someone explained one of the most fundamental concepts of relationships to me, the flow: connect, disconnect, reconnect. Natural, normal.<br />
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As I considered this, I slowly realized how BIG this was for me! It was REALLY helpful! I'd been doing it, connecting and disconnecting; after all, you are in relationships all your life. But I had such bad anxiety sometimes I hated myself. I sometimes loved shoving people away, so I didn't have to miss them. But often even that would make me freaky after a while.<br />
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So just knowing this ONE thing - simple but so important, helped me relax a little. To find the space bar. (smile). Now it helps me relax a lot.<br />
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This last week, 10 days I spent in Georgia and TN. It was good to see everyone, tho I spent most of my time with family, helping out around the house, rescuing cats, normal stuff. Dad's* cancer is treatable, with better radiation than they had a few years ago. So we are hopeful. Cautiously optimistic. Loving him very much.<br />
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We also got to see Mama, my sister, my brother, nieces, friends, etc. All this time was full of connecting moments and disconnecting. And reconnecting.<br />
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At the end, as we are parting, sometimes we disconnect gracefully, lovingly. Sometimes with tension and internal growling. But we all kind of trust the process a little more. Yeah, I miss them, miss my college kids - and that longing too comes and goes. (Well, not so much with the college kids, but it mainly just simmers :)<br />
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My home is peaceful and beautiful. I know, pretty much, where stuff is. I have work that is worthwhile, that requires my attention. And two cats who are wonderful company, whether I like it or not. There are good friends here too. A daughter who needs me. I love my life.<br />
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There are letters to write, to send love, to connect. Gifts to think about and forage for, or make.Small stuff. Good stuff. All of it.<br />
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It's good to be home. <br />
v<br />
*Dear Old Dad/ Daddy (not my biological dad, but the Man who Raised me) <br />
<br />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0Illinois, USA40.6331249 -89.398528337.396558399999996 -94.4522393 43.8696914 -84.344817299999988tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-11091545314546537782012-11-07T08:57:00.001-06:002013-06-23T23:53:00.142-05:00Peaceful and PolarizedYesterday it was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zfzka5VwRc">this song</a> on my mind, in my house, taking up my space before I left for work.<br />
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Today it is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g35zS1tVO3o">this song, about cold hearts</a>. Actually it's the entire album. Warm, full, soothing and matches my very happy, peaceful self :-)<br />
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I may play the album for a few days, because I love Norah Jones, because I like the songs, and mostly, because I am still staying away from The News.<br />
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It occurs to me that elections are tools, just like cell phones. Depends on how you use them. Lots of info is out there. Maybe it's not how we use it but how we approach it.<br />
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This morning someone had a sweet crawl-in-bed greeting for me, curling up at my feet, petting the cats. She came back quietly a few minutes later with a folded note card, which she placed on my bedside table. On the outside: "Open if you want to know who won the election p.s. good morning". It was sealed with tape.<br />
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Last night she followed the election online at low volume. I was out most of the evening. Without my asking she gave me space on the issue; I assumed she saw my post ("I want to be the last person on the planet to find out the results of the election").<br />
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Later we talked about the idea a bit, when I said goodnight. I described my goal to stay away from the fray, the excitement, the agony and over-dramatization of the entire process. I explained it was an exercise for me to create this separation from the world, for a time. It was a good chance to practice detachment, both from the process and the outcome. I suggested she look up Luddite.<br />
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This morning she just couldn't stand my not knowing. So we hung out for a few moments in that tension, noticing that she wanted me to get clued in, and that I was happy with my bubble of Not Knowing. I asked how important was it to her that I get clued in? She wasn't sure. In good relationships, you notice that sort of stuff, work with it. How important was our position to each of us? Why? I heard her internal struggle of wanting to talk about the results with me, and yet honor my request. She heard that this is my way of not just creating space, but concentrating, honoring the other big things in my life, in fact the only things that mean much: my family, my job. Our home.*<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bNYlyoiNKsFdkkuE2HJP52hr3kPRpWQ-Ogu9aTLdWa8pMKLiw20Xa6nC6quzvWsYUczret_dzBlCTmJX9DP_GxCfbsXweK8LQSA3f_89UZ92CSOmE3ud_X8_Udbh-Nh8MSh5G7JKSBaC/s1600/IMAG0302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2bNYlyoiNKsFdkkuE2HJP52hr3kPRpWQ-Ogu9aTLdWa8pMKLiw20Xa6nC6quzvWsYUczret_dzBlCTmJX9DP_GxCfbsXweK8LQSA3f_89UZ92CSOmE3ud_X8_Udbh-Nh8MSh5G7JKSBaC/s320/IMAG0302.jpg" width="191" /></a>I had some idea of what happened with the election. Saw a hint last night that Obama won Ohio. Still, the not knowing was <b>really</b> nice. Strengthened my resolve to just enjoy my day. To notice how cool it is to not be sucked in.<br />
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Just like going without a "smart" phone for a few weeks. What was it, .... wait, it was over 3 months. That's cool. After I lost my 'droid, I used no cell phone at all for a couple few weeks, then went to a flip phone. Loved the release of no calls to make when I was without the device. Just driving. "Check it out.", I thought. How cool.<br />
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Then I noticed I was ok not being constantly on the internet, or NOT playing with a phone while I took G out for brunch (we goofed off and it was awesome), and soon I didn't care much about texting. <br />
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Now with the re-integration of a new Android into my life, I have a nice, easy balance with it. It's not a new toy, it's a tool. It's useful, and yeah I check various things on it. Go online, whatever. Key word being "whatever".<br />
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Elections come and go. So do phones, presidents, laws, houses, people. Elections are tools, just like cell phones. They tell you stuff. Maybe too much. Sometimes you have to turn them off.<br />
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It's still a bit weird to live where I am right now. To truly inhabit my home, my body, my life. Even weirder to just enjoy it. To enjoy the spaces I move thru without a lot of worry.<br />
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Speaking of being comfortable. There is a dark side (of course!). For instance, what about the big trends? The routing of the middle class? The economy? Balancing the power of government and regulating big businesses? <br />
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I thought Progressives were supposed to be leading the way these last few decades. Somehow we lost our way. We thought we would just enjoy the prosperity of the 90s without consequences.<br />
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And we forgot our fellow citizens. We left behind an entire generation of people who could not work their way out of being born to less education, less opportunity, or the color of their skin, or their accents. We thought it was ok to be a little bit superior because, after all, we did care deeply and did go to school, made a success of our lives. Nice cars, nice house. Retirement. Good shoes.<br />
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We really did care about the less fortunate. We gave to charity. Dropped dollars in the red kettle at Christmas. Sometimes a $5 or a $10. It redeemed us from those other excesses and inattention that we didn't want to talk about.<br />
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So we paid with 8 years of Bush and two unwinnable wars. We watched our neighbors and friends send their children into battle, and bring them home in the devastation of shattered hearts.<br />
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We paid for our arrogance. And we still like to pretend we aren't all that bad.<br />
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But we are.<br />
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We have easily earned the right to watch the American political process go deeper into high drama, negligible results, and ultimate demise.<br />
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But we also have the inalienable right to get our shit together. <br />
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How easy it was for us to hate the wars, and pretend we just hate all the stupidity, without considering the alternative. Many of us just wanted the wars to end, but tried to be practical and save face by being mad and sad about them. But would we really have been ok with not going after the terrorists?<br />
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We wanted to be all indignant about the stupidity of No Child Left Behind, partly because we hated Bush and were sure he couldn't execute his puppet ass out of a wet paper bag. So we railed against the barbarian standardized testing and came up with nada as an alternative.<br />
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We love unions, but we don't hold people accountable - you know, the teachers, the post office, the administrations, those elected officials. We defended teachers blindly without stopping to consider how to turn around those schools where children were not getting the skills they needed, and were <a href="http://boostup.org/en/facts/statistics">dropping out by as much as 43% </a>(black kids; hispanic kids are at 42%; Am Indian kids at 46%). <br />
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How many of us actually wrote to or called even one elected official in the last 10, 12 years? I think I have once or twice. A few letters to Obama.<br />
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How many school board meetings have you attended? How many city council meetings? Watched them on TV? How many movies? <br />
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I'm just too busy. We all are.<br />
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We think somehow our small, mostly good lives will be ok even if we don't really listen to the Other Side.<br />
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Why listen deeply? It's so much work. They might change our minds on something. We might have to rethink our firmly embedded opinions. We might even have to consider voting for someone from - well, no, that's going too far. (Did you think "Dark side"? have you demonized your political opponents and their followers?) <br />
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Being polarized comes from not doing the work of respecting, listening with intent to understand (not find weaknesses), struggling thru to our common values, then working together to try various things until a solution is found. It's hard hard work. Like a marriage. Like a strong, healthy family.<br />
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I'm curious to see if the Left will begin to notice how our elected representatives do just that: they represent our entirety. They are a reflection of our inability to work together, put aside differences to solve real problems. No wonder Congress is deadlocked, and makes us nuts, the president less than effective. We hate the dysfunction in government and yet it is created out of our big American family - you know, the extended weird family that has infighting, avoids each other until the holidays, talks over each other, gossips, belittles and gloats. <br />
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So yeah, I did finally open the card. Why? Because my need to be apart from the world was trumped by my daughter's need to talk with me about something important to her. I didn't have to say "I love you" in words.<br />
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But I did anyway.<br />
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And she was off happily to school.<br />
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Now, going to inhabit my day, listening to a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqHgZhLLTc0">new song</a>. Hoping we can love America the way she really needs to be loved. Within a strong, healthy, basically happy family.<br />
v<br />
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*Madeleine once commented she thought I would eventually become Amish.
Too authoritarian but yes, a very attractive lifestyle. As long as I
could watch movies, dance, read voraciously, widely, and of course enjoy
wine and football (generally not at the same time). Oh yeah, there is
that driving thing. I could rock a buggy ;)vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-30386564698063962422012-06-23T08:01:00.000-05:002012-06-23T08:01:15.845-05:00little handsLike most of what my kids have taught me - it seemed small, and turns out it was huge. <br />
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Looking back, one of the most important lessons for me in raising kids was to not take things out of their hands.<br />
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I don't know how or why exactly but my first instinct, or my "default setting" was to just take it away from them. And it worked fine when they were little, really small.<br />
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As they got older I watched a few other Wise Moms <strong>not</strong> take things, and give the toddler a chance to give it to them, whatever needed taking. <br />
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Fascinated, I watched. <br />
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The Mom was so patient, holding out her hand and asking for the toy then, if the child didn't give it over, Mom would wait, silently. Then, if still not successful, she would go to "I need you to give me the truck." Sometimes she would give a reason. Simple and short sentences. <br />
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After some more time would pass, (maybe 30 seconds, maybe more, maybe less) she might have to take the toy. And the kid would predictably fall apart. And she would often say something like "I know it's hard to give the toy back to Tommy." or "I know it's hard to leave when you are having fun." The moment would pass, the day go on.<br />
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Sometimes though, often even, the kid gave the toy up.<br />
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For me, at first, I remember it was a monumental battle, inside of me, to do this. The waiting could seem like torture. The being quiet was unnatural...<br />
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I figured out it was important to be calm and kind if I could.<br />
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As I got better at it I found that the kid would usually comply. I started never taking something if I could help it. I let them give it to me. <br />
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So what did I learn?<br />
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First, it made me stop. This was key. For this "method" / approach to work I had to recognize/remember this child as a Person. I had a person who deserved my respect. Not just some addition to my life, to be watched over, corralled, bustled, cleaned, fed, hugged, etc. This was a small Person.<br />
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It forced me to be patient - a muscle that was NOT very strong when I began having kids. I had to work at it. This was good work for me, and began to prepare me for the lifelong patience the job would require - both of me and for them. (eventually I would even learn to be patient with myself :)<br />
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It let the child retain control. Even if just for a few minutes. Not taking recognized them as a person AND gave them control of their universe. It was recognition AND action based on this recognition. Well, inaction actually. I didn't take the toy (or whatever) and they got to consider what they wanted to do.<br />
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I gave them a concrete way to control their world. In essense I gave away some of my power so they could start feeling a new kind of power. Not just "feed me and I'll cry until you do" but "Mom let's me hold this and gives me a little space to think about what I want to do. Do I feel like giving it up?"<br />
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They got a chance to be <em>thoughtful.</em> <br />
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I can't claim I understood the value in this at the time. It took me another 10 or 15 years to really understand the importance of being thoughtful. <br />
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And then the next part was crucial. I became a Good Authority. Not taking didn't mean they didn't have to give it up. We all knew at the start that the Mom would win. But she gave some power to the kid, and withdrew a bit, pulling back to allow the kid to have and hold NOT just the toy but the power too. This is what Good Authority does. <br />
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I was teaching them to hold power, to wield it, and to feel how nice it was to be respected. Trust me many people just took things from them. Me included. If it was dangerous, I took it. If it was mildly dangerous, and the potential damage was slight, I gave them a chance to give it to me.<br />
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So in this effort, I gave them a taste of Good Authority, which respects them and Bad Authority or Power - which does not. Many many years later they are still working with and under both. But they know the difference. It's hard wired into them. It may take a few encounters to decide if someone, a boss, a professor, a cop, is Good or Bad, or a mixture. Now, they are old enough to see the shades of grey.<br />
<br />
But back then, all they knew was, Mommy lets me decide. I bet it felt good :)<br />
<br />
And I was beginning the work of letting go with intention, and pulling back so they could grow into the amazing people they are. <br />
v<br />
<em>(See midrash for Jewish stories of G-d's creating the universe, first by pulling the Godself back to allow for something other thatn G-d to exist.)</em>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-41808069659456543702012-06-03T20:51:00.000-05:002012-06-03T22:38:07.491-05:00Here?! Now?Dusk in my bedroom. That strange light. Tempted to flip a switch, but I don't.<br />
<br />
Quiet house. <br />
<br />
Long day of too much firing - cerebral. Also some peaceful empty mind. This helped.<br />
<br />
After a movie, overcome by the need to write, I grabbed big index cards from the door pocket of my car, across the passenger seat. Hebrew transliterations would be subsumed for the Muse.<br />
<br />
She hadn't been over in a while. It was like a lover, demanding, "Now!"<br />
<br />
So I wrote as I drove, and thought about how I could feed her more often, if she would be descending on me with such appetite. But like many things passionate, it was fun and engaging and well, tempered by common sense (just enough) and that lovely familiarity of knowing each other well.<br />
<br />
The cornfield I hastily sought out was actually both corn and beans. It took me a couple of hours to notice the distinction. I didn't actually look much. I was busy. Tending her. Just had to be out there in the middle. Not even bothered by cars going by, or one runner, who thumped by, bare chested, red shorts. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhogiAiAqLliQvSot_yAkGDlXXUZcGR5ZJjA4tcngfNHkgB7hlC-F04w0UTX4OKjgoBoG8i3EQcYFs6byx_llScCAppsoXU-BrwFWgrImdCOVW0Awsf0aVIU9m7R5G228BR5WKh7lPByN-Y/s1600/No+trespassing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhogiAiAqLliQvSot_yAkGDlXXUZcGR5ZJjA4tcngfNHkgB7hlC-F04w0UTX4OKjgoBoG8i3EQcYFs6byx_llScCAppsoXU-BrwFWgrImdCOVW0Awsf0aVIU9m7R5G228BR5WKh7lPByN-Y/s320/No+trespassing.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">if you do take this road, go slow :)</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<br />
I just needed the sun and some wind, the embrace of soil and farm smells. I think there were 5 cards. Filled them up. Found leaking (tears) came along at one card, one thought - accompanied by that sense of Grace.<br />
<br />
Sitting still was good. As was losing my dependence on bodies of water for thoughtful meandering and romantic interludes. (Used to be my M.O.)<br />
<br />
Muse stayed for a long time. Lingering. Even the rain drops and phone call didn't chase her right away.<br />
<br />
Maybe that's what's nice about dusk. It reminds me of her. Also of the perks - the essentialness even - of time without distractions.<br />
<br />
Thinking of setting a begging bowl out. Full with offering? Or empty with potential? Both?<br />
<br />
Can a bowl be both empty and full?<br />
<br />
Well look there - my very own koan. How nice. See? She is hanging around. "Ha!" she says. "You thought I had gone for - " Well, yes, maybe for a long time. <br />
<br />
Contemplating field of dreams. And sleeping outside. Under the full moon.vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-4644451704976271942012-02-29T10:33:00.000-06:002012-02-29T10:33:10.168-06:00Big Beautiful BugsWow. Just Wow. I LOVE <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2012/02/24/147367644/six-legged-giant-finds-secret-hideaway-hides-for-80-years?sc=fb&cc=fp">stories like this</a>! And now, yes, I'm in love with this amazing insect. (I really could have been a happy entomologist.)<br />
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And yes, I'm ready to plan a trip to Lord Howe Island, if they get rid of the rats and re-introduce the bugs :D</div>
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I'll stop by New Zealand and pick up my long-coveted wheel while I'm down there.</div>
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v</div>
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<br />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-36418506789300371352012-02-23T04:56:00.000-06:002012-02-23T05:01:14.637-06:00ShovedOld theory - no one likes getting anything shoved on them (ideas, ideology, politics, religion, sexual orientation, learning, etc. etc.) (clearly there are some exceptions). anyway insomnia seems to be trapped energy wanting out somehow. brain cells swim around, knock into each other, wake the others up, like a bunch of kids in barracks. once enough get shoved onto the floor, i'm up. wth.<br />
<br />
Lately, martial arts has been a group of cells kicking around in the cerebellum. Like East Side Story, snapping their fingers, looking for a fight.<br />
<br />
Tai chi has been great the last few weeks - remembering an old love, and discovering a new "form". i still can't really tolerate yoga - for one it's too slow for me, monkey mind being what it is. Remember i didn't even see the value in sitting still until a few years ago. Meditation was like another planet.<br />
<br />
Since tai chi is an "internal form" and there are "external" forms, (read: violent - at least in movement if not intent), I could use the balance of adding a form. I've always thought it would be fun, engaging, interesting to try, so going to start looking into where i can learn.<br />
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There is something that is pissing me off about getting into the workout routine again. First, I had to accept that I can't do normal gym workouts. My mind devours me. The sociologist, the academic, the "omg am i really going to walk in one f-cking spot for half an hour and lift these stationary sliding weights when i could be building a house!?" self just wins too often.<br />
<br />
Second, I'm pissed that I can't just throw myself into it. I have to start in a rational fashion, building endurance, stretching, etc. The good news is I didn't throttle the ballet teacher who wasn't prepared to teach adults. (she was sweet, and cute, and young, so that saved her. Plus I don't know karate yet.)<br />
<br />
But other workouts do work for me: swimming is meditational, like tai chi, moving meditation. I can do that. Good at it. Less likelihood of sudden injury :)<br />
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Walking practice is slowly taking root; not easy - it's cold and monkey mind is way too strong, but making progress. Dance : restarting this is freakin great and also hard to fit in, esp when i love West Coast Swing, and have not my Main Man to dance with regularly; but tried 2 different styles of class, have a third in mind.</div>
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Plans to hit biking this Spring. Starting to thaw out a bit and get a little psyched. May have found a biking partner.</div>
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<br />
Biking is sheer fun even here in IL with no hills (who woulda thought I'd ever miss them??) and no half-assed teachers. (ok there was another dance class with a mediocre teacher - I've done too much of this to tolerate lazy instruction). Should be some good local rides when the earth gets tilted back to "warm". SO looking forward to that!<br />
<br />
Karate or Kung Fu or Tae Kwon Do or Whatever the flavor is - looks like fun. Part of the energy that threw me out of bed was Pissed Off Mojo. So maybe good to give that gal something to do. Keep her away from the keyboard, you know?<br />
:)<br />
hai-ya!<br />
vvjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-13119910384261759662012-02-21T13:00:00.005-06:002012-02-21T13:00:53.639-06:00Enjoyed reading <a href="http://www.dalailama.com/messages/religious-harmony">this release from Dahlai Lama on religious harmony</a>.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />"I always say that every person on this earth has the freedom to practice or not practice religion. It is all right to do either. But once you accept religion, it is extremely important to be able to focus your mind on it and sincerely practice the teachings in your daily life. All of us can see that we tend to indulge in religious favouritism by saying, "I belong to this or that religion", rather than making effort to control our agitated minds. This misuse of religion, due to our disturbed minds, also sometimes creates problems. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I know a physicist from Chile who told me that it is not appropriate for a scientist to be biased towards science because of his love and passion for it. I am a Buddhist practitioner and have a lot of faith and respect in the teachings of the Buddha. However, if I mix up my love for and attachment to Buddhism, then my mind shall be biased towards it. A biased mind, which never sees the complete picture, cannot grasp the reality. And any action that results from such a state of mind will not be in tune with reality. As such it causes a lot of problems.</span> "</span></blockquote>
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</div>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-30492463370274357272012-02-16T15:33:00.002-06:002012-02-16T15:36:43.179-06:00Crossed Stars?<a href="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/09/16/arts/brightspan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/09/16/arts/brightspan.jpg" width="320" /></a>Watched the movie <a href="http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/09/16/movies/16bright.html">Bright Star</a> the other night. Very well done. Made me look up a bit more on the <a href="http://englishhistory.net/keats/fannybrawne.html">history of Keats and Fanny</a>. Not surprised that she was blamed for his emotional state. Of course they imposed bleeding and starvation diets on tuberculosis patients too... ugh. Such a lovely romance and barbaric period of history. Don't let the quaint fool you. But the poetry is outstanding.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="wY100px" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; width: 523px;" valign="top"><span class="f14px fntAri clr333333" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><br />Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--<br />Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night<br />And watching, with eternal lids apart,<br />Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,<br />The moving waters at their priestlike task<br />Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,<br />Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask<br />Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--<br />No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,<br />Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,<br />To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,<br />Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,<br />Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,<br />And so live ever--or else swoon to death. </span></td></tr>
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<br />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-75798150303540366502012-02-09T11:41:00.002-06:002012-02-09T11:41:34.791-06:00Local MoneyLike this idea - seems local produce, slow money, local money, and community strengthening go together. <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bernal-bucks-20120206-1,0,5507235.story">Article about a suburb that has a "enhancement" system to keep money local.</a>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-48193280617957273672012-02-08T12:41:00.000-06:002012-02-08T12:41:17.368-06:00Internet ProtectionMy sincere hope is that the internet can push forward a new age of public service and accountability and common sense (of the people, by the People and for the PEOPLE) in our government and democracy around the world. It's a tool we cannot afford to lose.<br />
<br />
The danger, however, is not past.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/02/why-an-international-trade-agreement-could-be-as-bad-as-sopa/252552/">Read this article about SOPA/PIPA and international agreements that loom.</a>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-4907884814129261792012-02-08T12:37:00.002-06:002012-02-08T12:58:08.056-06:00Swings, Ebbs and FlowsHeard something on <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/">This American Life</a> the other week about how, once someone is convinced that global warming is a theory, that it is very, very difficult to change their minds, even with widely accepted facts <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">(<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #422959; line-height: 26px;"><a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/424/kid-politics?act=2">Act Two. Climate Changes. People Don't)</a>. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">The show was fascinating and vaguely horrifying. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">The most interesting sociological moment was the exchange between a scientist, trained to teach kids about global warming, and a teenager who knew her own mind. Somehow the producers managed to convey the chasm that opened, seemingly before our eyes, between the two. The science did seem to become misty, ideological, while the teen stood firmly, arms metaphorically crossed, on ground we have hallowed as a nation: Question Authority.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">So we are left with an impasse. Deep and threatening, no matter how far back we would like to stay from the edge.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">What do you do when falsehoods, repeated over and over, seem to erode fact? How DO you reach people once they have decided your, or the entire scientific community's, or the government's, or the church's, or the parent's credibility is shot?</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">It doesn't escape my attention that growing up includes being able to see the world from more and more various points of perspective. Like a cool camera trick where the videographer spins in place, providing a 360 degree view, then suddenly the image shifts to circling something - the room, the "person" whose view started us. Surely it always makes us dizzy to do that shift, from "helio" or earth or personal-centric to spinning from the outside looking in.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">I imagine this is why growing up is so damn difficult - not to mention that those frontal lobes (or whatever part of the brain it is) aren't fully developed yet. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">But just like women's brains are different from men's and our hormones deeply affect how we see things and how we think about them, so do children and kids have a great deal to offer in how we grapple with an essential (imnsho) question:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">How do we "grow up" as a society without gutting all the staid, safe, reasonable institutions that we have carefully constructed over millenia? How do we not get caught up too much in the "old order" and outdated modes of thinking, while not cutting our collective nose off to spite our face(book)? lol.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">There is still plenty of confusion promoted, I think, by persistent internet rumours and "urban legendesqe" (read: misleading) emails. There is also the far right's - oops, no, edit that. There is the radical's blatant interest in a misinformation </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">Enter the Age of the Moderate. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">My new theory is that societies and humankind have to go thru these strange periods of vicious, vitriolic, vituperative battles of ideology - an epic clash of Beliefs. It's Jews and Pagans, it's Greeks and Jews, it's Christians and everyone, it's Inquisitions and Renaissance, it's science and religion, it's industrial and agrarian, it's government and religion, it's communism and socialism and democracy, it's science and religion, it's conservatives and liberals, it's institutions and upstarts, it's radicals and moderates.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;">I know who I'll vote for :)</span><br />
<br />
Anyway, this is a cool excerpt, on the topic of science and global warming:<br />
<blockquote>
We know that the rise in temperatures over the past five decades is abrupt and very large. We know it is consistent with models developed by other climate researchers that posit greenhouse gas emissions — the burning of fossil fuels by humans — as the cause. And now we know, thanks to Muller, that those other scientists have been both careful and honorable in their work.<br />
Nobody’s fudging the numbers. Nobody’s manipulating data to win research grants, as Perry claims, or making an undue fuss over a “naturally occurring” warm-up, as Bachmann alleges. Contrary to what Cain says, the science is real.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
from <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-scientific-finding-that-settles-the-climate-change-debate/2011/03/01/gIQAd6QfDM_story.html">Review of the science by a skeptic who changed his mind</a> </blockquote>
</blockquote>vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-48006114933847739912012-02-01T14:45:00.001-06:002012-02-08T12:58:15.460-06:00Susan G Komen Foundationletter re: SGK pulling funding from Planned Parenthood for breast cancer screening, $1 mil<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Board of SGK - really? How incredibly short sighted. I thought better of your organization, tho I wonder if it isn't just a huge over-reaching smoke screen for thousands of advertisers - millions of dollars that *could* be spent on breast cancer research OR better yet! Breast Cancer *prevention*. But that is a letter for another day. Please reconsider a colossally bone-headed move. Don't cut out Planned Parenthood, one of the best places for all women to get healthcare, and especially low income women and families. I have used their services off and on over the last 31 years. They are always amazing. Moreover, please reconsider politicizing the SGK organization. To this day I refuse to purchase Dominoe's pizza, because 25 years ago they supported "right to life" groups. I've sadly stopped eating at Chik Fil A. And I will pull my donations and general support from SGK in a *flash* - mostly for the board's stupidity, but also because I love Planned Parenthood.<br />
Really really really ticked off. And happy to take action against an organization that doesn't *really* have improving women's health care as their primary goal.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
vj<br />vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-90016682488606781782012-01-30T10:10:00.004-06:002012-02-08T12:58:25.807-06:00In My LapThere's nothing quite like a cat in your lap.<br />
<br />Warm, purring.<br />
<br />
Some would say it's better to have a sexy woman.<br />
<br />
Or a child in your lap, maybe reading.<br />
<br />
Others want a poodle. A standard. poodle.<br />
<br />
Or a surprise. Landed, as it just so happens, there. In your lap!<br />
<br />
Knitting is great - even if it is just lying there, looking pretty.<br />
<br />
But a cat or a kitten, content for a moment...<br />
<br />
That's the cat's meow.vjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4806800366824045309.post-10127963782436219632012-01-27T13:44:00.000-06:002012-02-08T12:58:33.866-06:00Loss of Navigational PointsSeems to me that every single point of reference we have is being attacked by the Huns. And by the Huns, I mean all of us. But mostly the radicals.<br />
<br />
Call me old-fashioned. I think there is some merit to the idea that we don't have to know everything about every candidate. I would like to know their character, it's true. But I don't want to know about every text message. I do want ethics and integrity to play a huge role in government, corporations, small organizations (who have better odds) and in the medical industry.<br />
<br />
I'd like to remove conflicts of interest. It would be helpful to play less "follow the money" and more "applaud thems that do right".<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2011/12/22/144136535/with-lie-of-the-year-controversy-fact-checking-comes-under-scrutiny">This story</a> reminds me of a growing, quietly nagging concern. If all our institutions are torn down, including the "fact checkers", if they lose credibility, then by what will we navigate? Will there be a renaissance of moderates after an informational wasteland? Will impartiality rise again? Could well-reasoned, thoughtful discourse begin to push back the hubris of partisanship and vitriol, and re-emerge?<br />
<br />
Somehow this line of thought is linked to <a href="http://www.toobigtoknow.com/">Too Big To Know</a> (not *literally* linked, metaphorically). I'm just not sure how, yet.<br />
Simmering :)<br />
vvjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13528161000599327480noreply@blogger.com0