Find the Gifts, Forget the “Faults” Enjoyed the reminder - and appreciate that our managing styles, like so much else, has continued to evolve. Dreamt the other night of being called down at work for bare arms - by the CEO. I actually worked for a firm that allowed no bare arms, no bare legs (panty hose required) and no bare toes.
I woke remembering how often organizations use shaming and blaming and "getting tough" and humiliation. And they actually think it works. But like spanking children, it works only to a degree and teaches many things you don't really mean to impart - like resentment and covert anger and avoidance.
Honest open discussion about problems is hard to learn, and is much more difficult - for employers and parents. But respect is the basis, and in my experience it keeps people working toward solutions.
Being polarized, using authority as a weapon, etc. don't really work.
As as wise book taught me (Positive Discipline?) "Where did we get the idea that to get someone to do better we have to make them feel worse?"
Worth remembering! I had my sweet gal (at 3) go in over her head as we sat on the steps. She went under right in front of me! within arms reach and I didn't realize at first she was in trouble! The bad thing is that a few minutes later she did it again. And again I was slow to react.
As a former lifeguard, I can't tell you how easy it is to miss someone. Back when I took class they didn't even talk about this.
It's a good idea to teach your kids this info too. If you enforce the buddy system (stick together in pairs, even at the pool and especially at a lake or at the ocean) they will watch out for each other. Even kids who know how to swim can drown.
Back in '07 Stan says "It's your turn to plan a trip." We hadn't been dating long, so I ask, "Anything I want?" "Yep." he answers.
So I booked a fishing guide, Jimmy Traylor FlyFishArkansas.com for the tail waters of the Norfork. Turns out he thought we were meeting on the tail of the White River, so that's where we ended up. Luckily got a great camping spot right on the river.
It was a beautiful day of fly fishing trout, but the best part (for me) was finding out later Jimmy had saved my first voice message from when I called Jimmy to set up the trip I said, "Look I've been dating this guy, and I think he's kinda cool, but I'd like you to check him out. I know you probably don't do that on your trips, but I'm a single gal and would like a second opinion." Jimmy thought it was funny enough to play the message for Stan on our trip.
Stan got as big a laugh out of it as Jimmy did, and the rest is history :) Now we are starting to look for when we can have our honeymoon down on the river, and get out with Jimmy again. Awesome fishing, btw ;) Fantastic guide. Pretty good match maker too.
It's been amazing to hang out in NC this weekend and reconnect with some of my dearest friends. We floated around the farm that I've used to outline my own dreams for years...
Helms Farm is home to groves of ancient trees, oaks, pecans, etc., a small family house where his dad was raised, beautifully expanded for Chris and Mark's generation (our age) and growing children, blackberries, vegetable and herb gardens, streams, bee hives, forest and wild places, with rolling hills. Cool breezes caressed us, shade gave cover from the July sun.
It draws old dreams out of me, and memories of wandering this place with my sister circle and with my children. Nothing can replace the women who raise their children with you, kiss their injuries, your hurts, and bring you meals prepared in love for both joy and tragedy as it lifts or crashes our world.
My old plans for raising my children this way, steadily with constancy, out in the rural world where you never knew what would wander across your backyard early in the morning, those goals didn't go as planned.
Instead we moved 6 years ago to St. Louis and found new dreams, found new friends, and work to keep these that still love us in the South. Being of Ripe Age, I also have these kinds of connections to people in all kinds of unlikely places. Not just Florida and Georgia where I was raised, but also off in the worlds where friends have gone to - Seattle, New Jersey!
I wonder today at the small underlying grief for paths not taken, and for the physical absence of all of my children, in the season of their time with others, adventure of a modern type. They are getting ready for life, (aka college, an interesting diversion) and practice being grown up (working diligently to pay off debt - yes, already at the ripe old age of 16) and playing diligently in realms of our choosing, among friends and parental units in St. Louis.
I do better now, each year, with their departures. It is after all the job description incarnate - made flesh. To have your children leave the nest. It never goes as planned. The struggle seems most about learning to trust the process, and let go of our deep desire to have some say so. And, if we are lucky, we learn to laugh through our tears.
I'm a person. With lots of ideas :) Curious about how the unseen affects the seen. How we express ourselves, about how we don't. How we resist, how we fight, how we chill. My fav question is "why?", next is "how?" when doesn't matter :D