Friday, March 27, 2009

Bright and Clear

I woke to clouds drifting across a blue sky, thru my window. The shades are white, the covers blue and white, my sheets white. Have never chosen white sheets in my life. But it was nice. Quiet in the house, a haven.

I'd dreamt of special people in my life, short morning dreams, detailed. I was naked at work in one of them. Habitually. Somewhat embarrassed about it, but more concerned with getting caught it seems. (grin)

There was drifting on a lake in a boat, and then having to get into the muddy water to get back across the lake. Then speeding down a very steep hill on my bike, lost control of the speed and then decided to fly - just fly. Take a deep breath and trust.

Finally there was going across another lake, staying in the boat this time, and ducking under fishing lines. I just moved freely, as if propelled by the breeze. Back and forth across the small lake. People were fishing. There were bugs ("the hatch" as fly fishers call it) and big fish in the clear water. I wasn't fishing, just completely relaxed and there.

All these dreams had people dear to me in them.

I tend to think that people, if known to you, represent themselves in a dream.

But people unknown often represent part of you. For instance not long ago I had a fire in a dream, damn near burned my house down! Uncharacteristically I panicked, grabbed the knitting and got out! Then a calm police officer came and simply used the fire extinquisher. Smart. Composed. Female. Clearly represented something I was craving or working on in myself.

Water is supposed to represent the subconscious. If that's true, then I'm dealing with very unclear internal waters sometimes (muddy!) and very very clear at others.

Good that the clear dream was last! Lets me believe I'm getting better. lol

Which brings me around to the point of brightness. I think it's very very hard to see clearly.

We like to think we see others without prejudice, see our world thru eyes of good sense, see our futures at least somewhat. We hope we see ourselves without too much bias, and some of us even want to know our blind spots, if we're smart.

But of course we don't. We can't see our children well, because deep love blinds us. Being in our own minds keeps us from really seeing ourselves well, unless we give it a LOT of thought and attention, (and usually requires a professional to be honest with ourselves).

We can't perceive the world with more than our attention and education allows. AIG for example, not allowed to fail. I'm less comfortable with making that call, had it been mine to make, since I don't completely understand the secondary insurance market. But I do understand that there isn't a legal way (yet) to take over failing insurance companies.

Banks I'd have never bailed out. Surely the government should have taken them over, so we would at least own what we, the taxpayers, have paid for. There are laws in place that allow the FDIC to take over failing banks. Why didn't we use them? Because we can't just drop them as they did in the Great Depression.

Ultimately I know I can't understand all of the political and economic permutations of the current crisis. If the entire market is based on trust, then I'm thinking these days that means trust in our elected leaders, not the markets themselves. But we don't trust our leaders. Often for good reason. Sometimes just because we let fear take over.

So if we can't see all that clearly, because we're human, where does that leave us?

I don't know.

For me it's led to a certain acceptance of the state of the world, my world and the larger globe. It has deepened my faith. And it has focused my attention on seeing clearly, but with wisdom and compassion.

I accept that it takes tremendous work to see all sides of an issue, and pray for wisdom for our leaders. In dealing with my children, and helping to forge their futures, I pray for the same.

And for me, I pray for connections to the people I love, clarity and clothes at work.

I pray for courage to change the things I can in myself and in the world. For strength. For patience.

Today I'll do what I can: cook for my children, bake bread, hike to the top of a hill, skip rocks in the river, see how far I can see.


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