Clearly I have not the stamina nor discipline to post every day.

The Good News is I do write. Every day. Religiously.

Lately I've been capturing the scraps of writing in various forms. Using the Journal, which I mentioned last week, I write and capture posts from FB nicely (I put them in the "notebook" section, not the daily journal section). I write in a physical journal (or two or three) and I compose emails, which at least I send to a special account that is just for the purpose of capturing my writing. Goal there is to capture more emails in the Journal, so there is a somewhat central suppository. No wait REpository <g>.

My website is set up for the family business, but I'm going to add another website just for my random meanderings. And likely another for a new business. And a non-profit.

All this in the works, along with getting my house in order (physically and digitally), the business in order (accounting and fiscally) and the relationships in order (reconnecting with people I haven't had time to enjoy for 9 months).

It was a cool thing, to birth myself out of the last job. Well worth the carrying and pushing. Now there is a weird bit of transition, getting re-grounded, and cultivating new stuff.

Putting legs under some of these new ideas is an altogether different matter. I do think I can grow my sideline business to support us, take care of essentials, keep income flow UP. And on the side* another business germinates. Like good writing ideas, it's important to protect it from frosts of people who would judge not nurture, yet it also needs the sunshine and warmth, so I share it with a few trusted friends.

We shall see. It could be mental masturbation, but I don't think so. Even if it fails, at least I will have pursued it. That is what matters really. I've done this before and didn't get to see the idea/organization fully birthed. It was not meant to be, and I was ok. Good experience planning it all and then laying it to rest, as gracefully as possible. I've had many other successful enterprises. They have a creation curve, a lifespan, a return to dust. Legacy stuff and sustainability are topics for another day.

For the sane, it's not just the chase (of ideas and new forms) that matters, but balancing stability with exploration. I live in a smaller town now, and that by definition can hinder risk taking. After all, in a community where there are less options, fewer ideas can be chased, with back up opportunities if your brilliant idea fails. In other words, everyone knows if you are a windmill chaser, and what that means is less certain ... outcomes** can be, well, overlooked in a large metropolis. Not so in more intimate settings.

Just realized this is the first time since '85 I've lived in a smallish community. Hmmm... food for thought. I did find the small towns from '76 to '81 nice but constraining. Too small in some ways. Athens was just right, but then I yearned for Atlanta, the siren hussy Belle, and wonderful dance partner. She will always be my first big love, put stars in my eyes.

One goal for this week is to to check out John Green's*** and other vloggers' posts about online community and struggling with how to best connect. I'm considering blogs, vlogs, social media and other forms of building digital community.

Also have more plans to sketch out. There is a garden to dig. No thought required at first, just pulling old stuff out, getting beds ready. That's what I love about housework I think. It's fairly simple work. No thinking required. Let's me rest.
Shalom
v

*that's only two sides, so far.. I think home and hearth are truly my main vocations. This other stuff, businesses and community are avocations :)

**by outcomes I mean failures of course but also successes. And therein lies another two-edged sword. Towns both discourage by their very nature people getting outside the box too much - it's what we do as tribe, only allow so much unknown/unfamiliar behavior. Yet small towns will love to support your success and care much more than cities. Cities encourage exploration and freedom, but care not a rat's ass if you fail. Harsher in their own way, cities sort of offer support, but not like towns.

** I know little to nothing about John Green, but am curious and would like to find info on online communities / forums. Could help the next business grow support. One of my daughters loves Green - I've watch some of his vlogs. Glad he is out there being awesome.

My morning consisted of coffee and crafting a comment (below), on this article, "Humanity Is Transforming And Changing: The Great Awakening" about human evolution and well, "awakening". The writer observes we are moving forward, and made reference to global warming, corporations, etc. The article wasn't half bad. I've read much much worse - sometimes drivel is so ridiculously inane you wonder that people read it. In fact it worries me that people read crap and then just buy in.

But like I said, this article wasn't all bad, if a bit jargon heavy. Here is an excerpt:

It’s almost April 2013 and the planet is going through a mass transformation. There are many aspects to this transformation, and in the end one must come to realize the basic building block for global change starts with us, humanity on a collective level, together. We are being called to evolve past our current way of living, tap into our infinite potentiality, let go of our training wheels and fly. We continue to search for external factors like technology and alternative ways to function, which is great. But humanity cannot evolve past its current paradigm unless the souls on Earth themselves change first. From that place of change we can begin to implement new ways of operating on this planet which can propel us past our current limitations and into an existence of abundance, peace , prosperity, and discovery. Humanity must operate from a place of love, peace, cooperation, acceptance and understanding if it is to move on and expand past the current limitations and definitions it has placed upon itself. A portion of the paradigm change we are witnessing on planet Earth today is people waking up to what has really been taking place. This can be a tough process because many humans have been made to believe certain realities are true when they are not. Through the use of mainstream media, education and more, we have been programmed with false ideas and belief systems of how the world and the industries that govern it work. We’ve also been programmed with the idea of how to be, how to act, and what to do in certain situations. This type of programming has taken us away from our soul’s voice, our heart, and our ability to be our true self. We are a young race, and we are only just discovering our hearts now.

Not bad actually. It gets a bit "airy" but he/she makes a few good points: People are paying attention. Programming happens. The soul is different from the heart and the self. I like "We are a young race."

Unfortunately, she/he doesn't back up the good points and then goes a bit off the rails to blaming.

To my mind blaming corporations, the government, and even human nature is besides the point and it really is a huge part of the problem. (By the problem, I mean challenges to evolution.) We need to understand all of these components to be sure. But making arguments that can't be backed up, along with lazy consumption of info and general lack of intellectual rigor keep us from moving forward. Flabby thinking and inferior leaders will lead us into the pits of hell.

I just went back and read the ending to the article, something about "all we have to do is follow our hearts" and I'm feeling nauseous now. Ug. Ok, ok, the ending was bad.

Here's why: "Follow your heart" is good advice for many situations. It doesn't exactly fend off global warming. It also doesn't make other things "better", like parenting. Bad parenting comes from a lack of good tools, effective methods and strong role models. There are times you have to follow your heart as a parent, but it's crap for advice, because when the toddler is having a melt down in the grocery store, you really can't always hear your heart. Especially if you are a bit off your game.

• New thought: human evolution depends on good tools, effective methods and strong role models. 

So "follow your heart" is exactly what I hated in the Human Awakening article. But still, the author made other good points. Paul posted a practical comment, something like "only a small number of people are paying attention". Here were my thoughts:

goodtrouble [that's me]

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

April 13, 2013 at 11:25 am

Paul – I agree completely. It’s nice words. But I’m a pragmatist. We are barely waking up, and there has always *always* been a contingent of humans who are “waking up” aka, discovering stuff before the rest. Love does indeed rule the spiritual “universe” but Action, which come from ideas and their dissemination, rule the physical world. I’m all about the overlap, and I know that Peace begins at home, but really, “one world” if it ever happens is WAY off (like in the distance/future).

I think recent research into the way people behave as individuals and in groups when faced with an actual disaster (ship literally going down) gives us the most insight into what to expect from people generally when faced with facts of a building global environmental crisis. Most people, in a disaster, freeze. It’s hard wired. Some – a few – in contrast, react with “I’m going to survive” and they often make it. Or they die trying. People who are trained for survival develop a mind set. It’s like really good defensive drivers taking it to the next level. (Read The Survivor’s Club if you want details: http://www.amazon.com/Survivors-Club-Secrets-Science-Could/dp/B004TE6O2G/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365864803&sr=1-1&keywords=the+survivor%27s+club)

What else do we know? Humans don’t believe “it” can happen to them (hence the deer in headlights first reaction) and therefore don’t plan ahead. This is true if we are talking about rape, poverty, and complete demise of an economic system or global environmental disaster. (For more proof, See: completely inadequate lack of retirement planning for our collective futures)

Finally, there is research lately that shows when confronted with info that contradicts our beliefs, we tend to become more entrenched in our (often erroneous) beliefs. (http://youarenotsosmart.com/). (The remedy to this, I believe, is rigorous dedication to truly examining new information when it comes in, even if it blows all your pet theories out of the water. This is why scientists are f-cking cool. And could save our frail human asses. But then, as the author points out, they tried to burn Galileo at the stake. Copernicus was the one who first said the earth wasn’t flat, if I remember correctly, and he came well before.)

I do question some assumptions and assertions in this article, such as :

“They are owned by a handful of multinational corporations who we all know are in control of government and governmental policy, such as Time Warner, Disney, Viacom, News Corporation, CBS Corporation, and NBC Universal. What is even more strange is that all of these corporations have connections to each other. Multiple CEO’s and employees are members of the Council On Foreign Relations and all of these organizations always lead up to the same group of families, like the Rockefellers.”

 I’m pretty sure that 1. the government isn’t capable of grand conspiracies – they are too large and generally inefficient to pull it off. 2. Corporations don’t run our government. Hello? Can anyone believe that [corporations run our government] statement after the last US presidential election? I don’t disagree that corporations have too much power, that capitalism has huge flaws and that we have allowed people to hide behind the Corporate Curtain (ala Wizard of Oz) but that is not the same thing. 3. Corporations all have connections to each other because that is what groups do. It’s sensible and effective and self-preserving. Whatever – it’s what we are (ad hoc) doing right this minute. Connecting. So what. 4. CEOs are always members of various councils. Yes, some are from old money. Again, big deal. Doesn’t prove a damn thing. In fact, let’s consider “new money” and if there is more influence, across the planet, from those in the Middle East with more money than they can spend. Rest assured they love to invest in the American greenback. So I said all that to say this: It. is. time. for us to get off our armchair quarterbacking butts with all the intellectual flabbiness of a nearly uneducated generation, attack our sense of entitlement* and consider how we can make real change happen. It STARTS with actually making sound arguments and cases for our beliefs. It ENDS with _doing_ something different. Like what? Like making a point to really, truly respectfully listen to the “other side” aka all those who don’t get what the hell is going on. If you treat them like morons, they will act like morons. If you treat them like people, even including the CEOs! then they may have an interest in what you are saying.

I really hope this comment section let’s me go on this long. Paul, thank you for getting me started. I needed to coagulate these thoughts.
Namaste. Be a warrior.

*the idea that we are either doomed and so will sit asana or that someone else will fix the problem

Bottom line is I wouldn't have commented if I hadn't thought there was enough intellectual prowess (in the author and the readers) to work with in the first place.

Reading all this and commenting also makes me bow at the feet of composition teachers everywhere.

[Please forgive the crappy formatting in my post. I have too much to do to dig into the html to fix it. Yes, I'm being technilogically lazy ass.]

Peaceful and Polarized

Yesterday it was this song on my mind, in my house, taking up my space before I left for work.

Today it is this song, about cold hearts. Actually it's the entire album. Warm, full, soothing and matches my very happy, peaceful self  :-)

I may play the album for a few days, because I love Norah Jones, because I like the songs, and mostly, because I am still staying away from The News.

It occurs to me that elections are tools, just like cell phones. Depends on how you use them. Lots of info is out there. Maybe it's not how we use it but how we approach it.

This morning someone had a sweet crawl-in-bed greeting for me, curling up at my feet, petting the cats. She came back quietly a few minutes later with a folded note card, which she placed on my bedside table. On the outside: "Open if you want to know who won the election   p.s. good morning". It was sealed with tape.

Last night she followed the election online at low volume. I was out most of the evening. Without my asking she gave me space on the issue; I assumed she saw my post ("I want to be the last person on the planet to find out the results of the election").

Later we talked about the idea a bit, when I said goodnight. I described my goal to stay away from the fray, the excitement, the agony and over-dramatization of the entire process. I explained it was an exercise for me to create this separation from the world, for a time. It was a good chance to practice detachment, both from the process and the outcome. I suggested she look up Luddite.

This morning she just couldn't stand my not knowing. So we hung out for a few moments in that tension, noticing that she wanted me to get clued in, and that I was happy with my bubble of Not Knowing. I asked how important was it to her that I get clued in? She wasn't sure. In good relationships, you notice that sort of stuff, work with it. How important was our position to each of us?  Why? I heard her internal struggle of wanting to talk about the results with me, and yet honor my request. She heard that this is my way of not just creating space, but concentrating, honoring the other big things in my life, in fact the only things that mean much: my family, my job. Our home.*

I had some idea of what happened with the election. Saw a hint last night that Obama won Ohio. Still, the not knowing was really nice. Strengthened my resolve to just enjoy my day. To notice how cool it is to not be sucked in.

Just like going without a "smart" phone for a few weeks. What was it, .... wait, it was over 3 months. That's cool. After I lost my 'droid, I used no cell phone at all for a couple few weeks, then went to a flip phone. Loved the release of no calls to make when I was without the device. Just driving. "Check it out.", I thought. How cool.

Then I noticed I was ok not being constantly on the internet, or NOT playing with a phone while I took G out for brunch (we goofed off and it was awesome), and soon I didn't care much about texting.

Now with the re-integration of a new Android into my life, I have a nice, easy balance with it. It's not a new toy, it's a tool. It's useful, and yeah I check various things on it. Go online, whatever. Key word being "whatever".

Elections come and go. So do phones, presidents, laws, houses, people. Elections are tools, just like cell phones. They tell you stuff. Maybe too much.  Sometimes you have to turn them off.

It's still a bit weird to live where I am right now. To truly inhabit my home, my body, my life. Even weirder to just enjoy it. To enjoy the spaces I move thru without a lot of worry.

Speaking of being comfortable. There is a dark side (of course!). For instance, what about the big trends? The routing of the middle class? The economy? Balancing the power of government and regulating big businesses? 

I thought Progressives were supposed to be leading the way these last few decades. Somehow we lost our way. We thought we would just enjoy the prosperity of the 90s without consequences.

And we forgot our fellow citizens. We left behind an entire generation of people who could not work their way out of being born to less education, less opportunity, or the color of their skin, or their accents. We thought it was ok to be a little bit superior because, after all, we did care deeply and did go to school, made a success of our lives. Nice cars, nice house. Retirement. Good shoes.

We really did care about the less fortunate. We gave to charity. Dropped dollars in the red kettle at Christmas. Sometimes a $5 or a $10. It redeemed us from those other excesses and inattention that we didn't want to talk about.

So we paid with 8 years of Bush and two unwinnable wars. We watched our neighbors and friends send their children into battle, and bring them home in the devastation of shattered hearts.

We paid for our arrogance. And we still like to pretend we aren't all that bad.

But we are.

We have easily earned the right to watch the American political process go deeper into high drama, negligible results, and ultimate demise.

But we also have the inalienable right to get our shit together.

How easy it was for us to hate the wars, and pretend we just hate all the stupidity, without considering the alternative. Many of us just wanted the wars to end, but tried to be practical and save face by being mad and sad about them. But would we really have been ok with not going after the terrorists?

We wanted to be all indignant about the stupidity of No Child Left Behind, partly because we hated Bush and were sure he couldn't execute his puppet ass out of a wet paper bag. So we railed against the barbarian standardized testing and came up with nada as an alternative.

We love unions, but we don't hold people accountable - you know, the teachers, the post office, the administrations, those elected officials. We defended teachers blindly without stopping to consider how to turn around those schools where children were not getting the skills they needed, and were dropping out by as much as 43% (black kids; hispanic kids are at 42%; Am Indian kids at 46%).

How many of us actually wrote to or called even one elected official in the last 10, 12 years? I think I have once or twice. A few letters to Obama.

How many school board meetings have you attended? How many city council meetings? Watched them on TV? How many movies?

I'm just too busy. We all are.

We think somehow our small, mostly good lives will be ok even if we don't really listen to the Other Side.

Why listen deeply? It's so much work. They might change our minds on something. We might have to rethink our firmly embedded opinions. We might even have to consider voting for someone from - well, no, that's going too far. (Did you think "Dark side"? have you demonized your political opponents and their followers?)

Being polarized comes from not doing the work of respecting, listening with intent to understand (not find weaknesses), struggling thru to our common values, then working together to try various things until a solution is found. It's hard hard work. Like a marriage. Like a strong, healthy family.

I'm curious to see if the Left will begin to notice how our elected representatives do just that: they represent our entirety. They are a reflection of our inability to work together, put aside differences to solve real problems. No wonder Congress is deadlocked, and makes us nuts, the president less than effective. We hate the dysfunction in government and yet it is created out of our big American family - you know, the extended weird family that has infighting, avoids each other until the holidays, talks over each other, gossips, belittles and gloats.

So yeah, I did finally open the card. Why? Because my need to be apart from the world was trumped by my daughter's need to talk with me about something important to her. I didn't have to say "I love you" in words.

But I did anyway.

And she was off happily to school.

Now, going to inhabit my day, listening to a new song. Hoping we can love America the way she really needs to be loved. Within a strong, healthy, basically happy family.
v

*Madeleine once commented she thought I would eventually become Amish. Too authoritarian but yes, a very attractive lifestyle. As long as I could watch movies, dance, read voraciously, widely, and of course enjoy wine and football (generally not at the same time). Oh yeah, there is that driving thing. I could rock a buggy ;)

And My Favorite Reason to End My Mild Addiction To FB

Government Snoops Use Facebook. The Only Question is, for What? - COLORLINES

The Plot Thickens

Police And Courts Regularly Abusing Wiretapping Laws To Arrest People For Filming Cops Misbehaving In Public Places | Independent American News

Why We Need Judicial Oversight...

oh, but that doesn't seem to work anymore either :(

Discovery of GPS tracker becomes privacy issue - CHARLESTON, SC NEWS - LIVE 5 WCSC Breaking News, Weather, Sports

When You're Between a Rock and a Hard Place - a Mental Checklist

Note to a friend:

ok, cause I like to look stuff up :https://health.google.com/health/ref/Major+depression

and it makes me feel less helpless ...

I think it's weird articles about depression don't usually address what I call situational blues. I mean if your dog dies, your sad, and even depressed sometimes. Pretty common sense to me.

Not that you asked, but since it runs in my family and I first had to deal with it after Darryl died [25 years ago] (I did consider suicide) and then after the two suicides [in my family] (one from depression, the other probably addiction and probably both from bi-polar), and even recently with job/money problems I've learned, thru the years that these few things help most:

1. know that losing your perspective is a big part of it. Choices seem really limited, and they may be, but usually there are more than you can see when you are really down. Don't let the depression fool you. It lies!

2. let yourself be down when you can. To me it was like a rip tide. Instead of fighting it, I did what I had to do (the minimum) and then let myself stay in bed sometimes, watch tv or sleep extra. I sort of swam parallel to the shore until it lifted. More than 2 days of it was a *really* big warning flag, unless some event had set me off, like a death.

3. I try to practice extreme self care - that means trying to eat, sleep, and get up and around a bit. I don't push myself hard, but gently. I know that when I get a few things accomplished, I feel a bit better, even if only a tiny bit.

4. (more self care) I give myself credit for bad days when I can only get one or two things done, besides getting dressed, eating, taking care of G, walking the dogs.

5. (more self care) I make damn sure to stay in touch with a few close friends/family. I may not be able to call them when it is at it's worst, but I make a point to call them as soon as I can after. Even just saying "I've had a few really bad days" makes me feel less alone. I make myself reach out even when I don't feel like it. Again, friends/family help me fight tunnel vision, which adds to the whole cycle (worthlessness, being trapped or stuck, no energy, no interest in anything, can't solve my problems, etc. etc)

6. I told my friends and family, when it got real bad, to check on me. Again, a life line is there to keep you from going under - use it. You would do the same for me/them!

7. I've had a few close friends who have gone on drugs for a short time to get thru. I made sure to find out what I would do next if it got worse.

8. I also break down a list of the "big rocks" when I feel up to it. This makes all the swirling shit seem a bit less overwhelming. I put them in "boxes" : Health, Kids, Money, Job, House - sometimes that's all I can list. Sometimes I have to add a box called "Problems with ex". On a good day I'll add easier stuff, like Spirit.

9. I do believe - know - that the universe responds to prayer. Even just [saying] "help" can make a huge difference. I ask for signs, and then watch for them.

10. Oh yeah, and whenever I can I make sure to think about what is good in my life. I say "thanks" for healthy kids, my health and for the loving people in my life. And other times I get mad at G-d. I think she can take it ;) The other day, I thought we were going to have a throw down!

Let me know if you want to talk about it. If you don't mind the emails, I'll send notes when I need to check on you. That ok? Mind if I offer suggestions?

love,

v

[love the way I ask if it's ok to offer suggestions at the END of the note - pushy broad]

The Value of a Religious Life

I'm rarely disturbed.(lol Ok, maybe not rarely.)

Still, it is very disturbing to hear how the faith community is suffering during these hard times, Religious life won't be the same after downturn

That people don't naturally gravitate now to church, temple, mosque or another faith community concerns me on two levels.

One, they are likely missing a very key ingredient in their ability to thrive: Hope.

We all need encouragement, forgiveness, inspiration. Sure, we can find it other places if we look hard enough. But where can we get all those at once? It's an efficient use of your time.

People who regularly attend services also get human contact and support. You connect to others, some worse off than you, others better off. But everyone is just there being children of G-d (or Gods :)

And then, while you are there, you can offer those same gifts to others - love, support, encouragement, hope.

It's no surprise that people who go to church at least once a week are healthier and live longer.

Especially now, it's a good idea to tap into your Spiritual side.

If you don't have one, think about getting one. It's just part of a regular, healthy lifestyle. :)

Btw, being "Religious" has gotten a bad name. It's a bad rap in itself. I can find absolutely no foundation to the idea that because SOME religions are a disaster therefore all religion is bad. Usually it is branches, distant offshoots, of a decent religion, and more specifically those crazy radicals (G-d love em) who twist dogma beyond recognition. Radicalism has a lot to do with the problem of giving anything a bad name - religion, politics, exercise.

So don't throw the baby out with the bath water. This thinking is so simplistic. Weak weak vaporous argument. Aren't we capable of more complex thought patterns? Hundreds of thousands of good congregations are out there. They aren't perfect, but who is? It's messy to come together and agree on stuff. The healthier the parts, the healthier the whole.

If the first reason to turn to your faith is mundane: it is good for you, your health, and your community, the second is a bit loftier, but also easy.

Maybe, just maybe, it works.

If G-d is watching us, as I believe, then it's got to be in stereo too.

Why wouldn't G-d, who is beyond our even most basic comprehension, hear our prayers?

Even NOT praying is a form of prayer. Maybe anytime we give attention to something it is a form of prayer. If we intentionally add prayer, like I often do when knitting, then it gives more, well, power or energy to what you are doing.

So prayer and practicing your faith are a way of shifting energy.

If all is holy, as the Kabbalist believe, even into the depths of Hell there exists a spark of G-d, then every thing is holy. Including your walk in the morning, your tennis at night. Burning dinner. Crashed finances. Grief. Loneliness. Joy. Sex. Fashion shows with toddlers in BIZARRE dresses. Crazy dictators speaking at the UN. Mobs of cattle, also known as Congress, running into a river and drowning. Young talented girls winning at tennis tournaments. People trying to dance. Floods that ruin everything. Falling down. Getting up. Especially getting up.

But still, make a practice of your faith. Go be with your people. Support them, let them support you. Be inspired, find Hope, exercise your Faith muscles :)

And know that even doing it "badly" is holy ;)

Big Grin.

Love and Joy
v

Tyrants and Religion...

Bravely slogging thru about 15 draft posts in blogger application. Again, bear with me, please as I work to recall what I was thinking, much of it half-baked.

Here is a good one:

Facebook | Home: Ronald Clingenpeel : "What do Josef Stalin, Adolph Hitler and Pol Pot have in common? Stalin attended Russian Orthodox seminary; when young Hitler wanted to be a priest; and Pot spent six years as a Buddist monk. Yes, they were all dictators who massacred after leaving the religious life behind. Hmmmm."

I found this factoid absolutely stunning and so will categorize it as Wormhole. New category is born on my blog. I spontaneously plan to tag ideas this way that are too big for me to process all at once.
v