Here lies Vicki, a Free Elf

Crossed Stars?

2012-02-16T15:33:00.002-06:00

Watched the movie Bright Star the other night. Very well done. Made me look up a bit more on the history of Keats and Fanny. Not surprised that she was blamed for his emotional state. Of course they imposed bleeding and starvation diets on tuberculosis patients too... ugh. Such a lovely romance and barbaric period of history. Don't let the quaint fool you. But the poetry is outstanding.

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.

Local Money

2012-02-09T11:41:00.002-06:00

Like this idea - seems local produce, slow money, local money, and community strengthening go together. Article about a suburb that has a "enhancement" system to keep money local.

Internet Protection

2012-02-08T12:41:00.000-06:00

My sincere hope is that the internet can push forward a new age of public service and accountability and common sense (of the people, by the People and for the PEOPLE) in our government and democracy around the world. It's a tool we cannot afford to lose.

The danger, however, is not past.

Read this article about SOPA/PIPA and international agreements that loom.

Swings, Ebbs and Flows

2012-02-08T12:37:00.002-06:00

Heard something on This American Life the other week about how, once someone is convinced that global warming is a theory, that it is very, very difficult to change their minds, even with widely accepted facts (Act Two. Climate Changes. People Don't). The show was fascinating and vaguely horrifying.

The most interesting sociological moment was the exchange between a scientist, trained to teach kids about global warming, and a teenager who knew her own mind. Somehow the producers managed to convey the chasm that opened, seemingly before our eyes, between the two. The science did seem to become misty, ideological, while the teen stood firmly, arms metaphorically crossed, on ground we have hallowed as a nation: Question Authority.

So we are left with an impasse. Deep and threatening, no matter how far back we would like to stay from the edge.

What do you do when falsehoods, repeated over and over, seem to erode fact? How DO you reach people once they have decided your, or the entire scientific community's, or the government's, or the church's, or the parent's credibility is shot?

It doesn't escape my attention that growing up includes being able to see the world from more and more various points of perspective. Like a cool camera trick where the videographer spins in place, providing a 360 degree view, then suddenly the image shifts to circling something - the room, the "person" whose view started us. Surely it always makes us dizzy to do that shift, from "helio" or earth or personal-centric to spinning from the outside looking in.

I imagine this is why growing up is so damn difficult - not to mention that those frontal lobes (or whatever part of the brain it is) aren't fully developed yet.

But just like women's brains are different from men's and our hormones deeply affect how we see things and how we think about them, so do children and kids have a great deal to offer in how we grapple with an essential (imnsho) question:

How do we "grow up" as a society without gutting all the staid, safe, reasonable institutions that we have carefully constructed over millenia? How do we not get caught up too much in the "old order" and outdated modes of thinking, while not cutting our collective nose off to spite our face(book)? lol.

There is still plenty of confusion promoted, I think, by persistent internet rumours and "urban legendesqe" (read: misleading) emails. There is also the far right's - oops, no, edit that. There is the radical's blatant interest in a misinformation

Enter the Age of the Moderate.

My new theory is that societies and humankind have to go thru these strange periods of vicious, vitriolic, vituperative battles of ideology - an epic clash of Beliefs. It's Jews and Pagans, it's Greeks and Jews, it's Christians and everyone, it's Inquisitions and Renaissance, it's science and religion, it's industrial and agrarian, it's government and religion, it's communism and socialism and democracy, it's science and religion, it's conservatives and liberals, it's institutions and upstarts, it's radicals and moderates.

I know who I'll vote for :)

Anyway, this is a cool excerpt, on the topic of science and global warming:

We know that the rise in temperatures over the past five decades is abrupt and very large. We know it is consistent with models developed by other climate researchers that posit greenhouse gas emissions — the burning of fossil fuels by humans — as the cause. And now we know, thanks to Muller, that those other scientists have been both careful and honorable in their work.
Nobody’s fudging the numbers. Nobody’s manipulating data to win research grants, as Perry claims, or making an undue fuss over a “naturally occurring” warm-up, as Bachmann alleges. Contrary to what Cain says, the science is real.

from Review of the science by a skeptic who changed his mind

Susan G Komen Foundation

2012-02-01T14:45:00.001-06:00

letter re: SGK pulling funding from Planned Parenthood for breast cancer screening, $1 mil

Dear Board of SGK - really? How incredibly short sighted. I thought better of your organization, tho I wonder if it isn't just a huge over-reaching smoke screen for thousands of advertisers - millions of dollars that *could* be spent on breast cancer research OR better yet! Breast Cancer *prevention*. But that is a letter for another day. Please reconsider a colossally bone-headed move. Don't cut out Planned Parenthood, one of the best places for all women to get healthcare, and especially low income women and families. I have used their services off and on over the last 31 years. They are always amazing. Moreover, please reconsider politicizing the SGK organization. To this day I refuse to purchase Dominoe's pizza, because 25 years ago they supported "right to life" groups. I've sadly stopped eating at Chik Fil A. And I will pull my donations and general support from SGK in a *flash* - mostly for the board's stupidity, but also because I love Planned Parenthood.
Really really really ticked off. And happy to take action against an organization that doesn't *really* have improving women's health care as their primary goal.
Sincerely,
vj

In My Lap

2012-01-30T10:10:00.004-06:00

There's nothing quite like a cat in your lap.

Warm, purring.

Some would say it's better to have a sexy woman.

Or a child in your lap, maybe reading.

Others want a poodle. A standard. poodle.

Or a surprise. Landed, as it just so happens, there. In your lap!

Knitting is great - even if it is just lying there, looking pretty.

But a cat or a kitten, content for a moment...

That's the cat's meow.

Loss of Navigational Points

2012-01-27T13:44:00.000-06:00

Seems to me that every single point of reference we have is being attacked by the Huns. And by the Huns, I mean all of us. But mostly the radicals.

Call me old-fashioned. I think there is some merit to the idea that we don't have to know everything about every candidate. I would like to know their character, it's true. But I don't want to know about every text message. I do want ethics and integrity to play a huge role in government, corporations, small organizations (who have better odds) and in the medical industry.

I'd like to remove conflicts of interest. It would be helpful to play less "follow the money" and more "applaud thems that do right".

This story reminds me of a growing, quietly nagging concern. If all our institutions are torn down, including the "fact checkers", if they lose credibility, then by what will we navigate? Will there be a renaissance of moderates after an informational wasteland? Will impartiality rise again? Could well-reasoned, thoughtful discourse begin to push back the hubris of partisanship and vitriol, and re-emerge?

Somehow this line of thought is linked to Too Big To Know (not *literally* linked, metaphorically). I'm just not sure how, yet.
Simmering :)
v

Coaxing

2012-01-27T13:31:00.000-06:00

[love to know what I was planning to write here - this was a post that never happened... Bet the muse, er, hope she will strike again :) ]

Months later, we return to our heroine. Or is that hero-ine (are they spelled the same, the drug and the character? Can I be a writer if I don't know?)

I think this was to be a post about how coaxing people, plants, animals, art, music, craft is better than forcing.

Nudging has become a gold-plated, jew-jitsu for me :)

It occurred to me several years ago, musing with my BDNHTPATBU (beloved dear now-husband, then-paramour, about to break up), one summer night after a lovely, rare trip to a movie.*

I had been noodling over this idea for a while. Slowly it came into focus.

(How sweet and lovely are these moments of revealing clarity. It's why focusing a camera is so much fun, to me.

If you wait for it the bread rises, the fudge sets, the child walks, the film negative transforms into an image, the sock emerges, the thought coalesces.)

We had been discussing the difficulty of radical LGBT protests and harsh insistence on their rights. I support their goals - perhaps even all of them. I'm not sure.

What I was and am sure of is that, while it seem important to force change in some instances, it is also rife with risks.

I wonder if true change can ever be forced??

After all, I've watched the gay rights movement become more and more "mainstream", over the last 30 years. Over time society does seem to figure a lot out. With any luck we don't slip back into old, messed up ideas, like slavery and genocide (no guarantees tho - see recent post on global warming).

Along the way they have pissed off a lot of people. Did the strident, arduous protests have to happen? Maybe. I won't deny that it could be that change would not have come without it, without the pushing and shoving or demands for attention.

Stan's amazing contribution, the catalyst to my swirling thoughts, was to comment that he did respect that people are entitled to their life styles and beliefs, but he hated having it, their views, shoved down his throat.**

When raising children, I've learned that it's helpful to remain dispassionate. When working toward solutions with peers, authority figures and those who look up to me, I've noticed stating "my" truth and detaching from the outcome is key. It allows space for movement toward a resolution or even a synthesis of ideas...

I wonder how much it could help to be firm to our world/national/community in our beliefs, without demanding that they accept them.

On the other hand, maybe if we didn't push hard, society wouldn't grow up. Grin. After all, that is what siblings are for.
v

* movie night, for us, consisted that night of driving for 30 or 40 mins to a theater, watching something fun (I think it was the new Star Trek movie?) and driving all the way back to the farm. I had dressed up, something I had never done there, and I remember sitting on the porch at the barn (a pole barn), having a beer or wine after. Stan took my picture with his phone, or tried to. It was a sweet moment of his looking at me with "fresh eyes", as if seeing me anew.

**I remember well the sense of various lines of thought coming together, that evening, in the moment, and talking this idea over with him. It seemed that he appreciated being a catalyst, and he knew he was, as much as I enjoyed it. He loved the exchange of ideas and synthesis of his thoughts and my own. This was somehow a key moment for us; something intangible quality shared that also came into focus, along with our ideas. We began, I think then to recognize our ability to complement each other, to both challenge and support our thinking. Maybe it is/was just synchronicity - or maybe it's more than that.

Mindfulness

2012-01-27T13:28:00.003-06:00

Great radio show today - missed most of it, but the mindfulness sure would come in handy.

Friday January 27, 2012, 10:06 AM

Mindfulness

Ellen J. Langer, Ph.D., Professor, Psychology Department, Harvard University; Artist

It’s possible to go through life carrying out a range of complex tasks without consciously paying attention to what we’re doing. While it is possible to live that way, you end up missing a lot. We will talk with Harvard professor Ellen Langer, a scholar who has been called the mother of the psychological concept of “mindfulness.” It’s a very simple but powerful idea--that, by paying attention to what we are doing, we will better understand ourselves and others, and in the process live a more full and healthy life.

(this content belongs to www.will.illinois.edu)

I do at least intend to listen the the entire show asap. Intrigued by her comment that all (?) human ills can be traced to lack of mindfulness. It's been a godsend in my office to have the local public radio show consist of high quality interviews. Not just Terry Gross but also the local show called Focus... no, the irony did not escape me.

Yes, I missed my Tai Chi class both days this week. No, I did not make it to Yoga. (deep Breath). Nor dance on Tuesday night. I did however lose a few pounds, ate mindfully and plan to enjoy a walk today. I have been doing epic battles with my beloved child in re-learning math. Each night, exhausted, I miss reading and movies and just find some rest. I think I did knit about 4 rows this week :)

There is something that most people don't realize about teaching. Think of your time with your children, doing anything. Now add to that a teachable moment. IF you are an extrovert, as many teachers (most?) are, then you must pull yourself back, make space for the child to learn. You have to ask questions rather than making demands. You have to wait to let their brain work. You must edit any critical or impatient thought (if you have them, usually mine are directed at me). You hold the space.

This lets the child/person think for themselves, discover answers, and reap the deep reward of having very little help from you. I've found this is also true when teaching computers, knitting, math, and dance. It doesn't matter if it's left or right brain, physical or spiritual. As a teacher you are just trying to help the process of learning gently and yet with right enthusiasm. You are staying out of the way, and guiding. You may have 30 people or 3. But you have to pay attention. You have to figure out where to add guidance or info. You are watching how their brain is working, real time.

It's wonderful. It's intensive. Rarely is it mindless.

No wonder I'm exhausted, after working as business owner, being wife and managing my family duties, connecting with friends, helping guide Youth Group, and tutoring G for about 2 hours each night. Perhaps I should be babbling?

I saw something on Facebook today about leaders. Paraphrased: If you inspire and encourage then you are a leader. I agree. Unfortunately, leaders are human and can make mistakes.

Below is my post in reference to the suicide of Barry Bowe - principal of a great public arts school in Charlotte, NC where many of my friends have children attending. It was a really sad situation that surfaced on Facebook a few days ago. I wrote this in response to his niece, who thought that the press revealed too many details of his death. I suggest it's time to pull back the damn cloak of shame surrounding suicide.

ok - I'm far removed from the local news, but I have an interest in what happened. I have friends who are affected and more importantly their dear beloved children are affected - it's not a small matter at all that a school leader decided to end his own life. I'm sorry for your loss Carrie, but it is completely wrong (imnsho) to say that the details of his death are not news and should be kept private. In fact every suicide should be a call to battle for all those who care for humankind. It's a loss most tragic and often avoidable.
Should we not advertise that someone died of cancer? Do you think we could get funding for research if we covered it up and pretended the illness didn't exist? Do you think people would know what early signs to look for or how to support those who suffer with it if we were all embarrassed about cancer? Diabetes? Heart disease?
Suicide is a huge problem in this country. I've experienced in my immediate family. Twice. I consider it a call to arms - for those of us who battle for the souls of those who are confused, ill, heart broken, crazed and/or depressed and need help. Make no mistake - it is a matter of life or death. I'd suggest we strategize.
Yes, mourn the dead. Damn right hold CMS accountable. But comfort the kids and explain the extreme myopia that precedes suicide. The dangers of depression. The need for accessible help. The warning signs. The preventative measures. And do remind them all that those who die by suicide were very very sick. It's preventable. But not if we pretend.

So Many Opinions, So Little Time

2012-01-24T05:37:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I don't have time to do much here today, but am at least thinking about freshening up the site. Did add a couple gadgets. Funny how many visits I supposedly have, but pretty sure many are from trolling virtual search engine bots or whatever they call those.

News flash: I have fewer opinions.

Suspect this is a sign of ack - aging.

There, I said it . FUTG (f- you time gods).

2011-12-31T17:52:00.001-06:00

G-d bless the joyful wretched.The wretchful joyed.

G-d bless the lonely and the crowded. The ones who have ripped their hearts out and given them away. Bless the children who don't know and the adults who do. Bless those who never tell and those who tell Everyone.

Bless the old who know and won't tell anymore, without coaxing.

G-d bless the walker and the walkee. G-d bless those who build castles of money and think this makes them safe. G-d bless the rich who know they are not safe. G-d bless the rich in spirit. G-d bless the destitute. G-d bless the thieves, white collar, blue collar, no collar, no shirt.

God bless the clueless and the ones mired in shit and bless the shit. Bless all the shit that thou hast wrought.

Bless those who masturbate in secret. And those who masturbate in public. And those who don't masturbate. Bless the ones who fear masturbation and those who laugh at the procreators.

God bless the creative and the destroyers.

G-d bless the children and their abusers. Bless the evil and the ignorant. G-d bless the arrogant. Bless the atheist, and agnostic, I think. And G-d bless the faithful.

G-d bless the blind who can see and the sighted who are blind. Bless those too tired to look. Bless those who didn't know they were supposed to look.

G-d bless the asshole who throws trash out of the window, and the infirm who drop trash. G-d bless those looking for redemption and those redeemed and those beyond redemption.

Bless those who don't know and those who don't care.

Bless the stone throwers and their glass houses. Bless the ones with houses that won't sell, and those without houses. Bless those who would rather sleep under the stars, but find themselves in houses.

Bless the ones who take running water for granted and those who run from water and those who dive in.

Bless the full pantries and the empty souls and the full souls who have no room for more.

Bless the lazy and those who sell their children's souls for convenience or status, and refuse to consider freedom thru compassion. Bless those who are hard lined, and those too young for lines. Bless the lines that are supposed to protect us.

Bless the fearful and the terrified, and the justifiers and the justifications themselves. Bless the blade that cuts our meat and our fingers and throats, and chest open. Bless the bullet that defends a life and that ends a life. Bless the hand that pulled the trigger. Bless the brave and the coward.

Bless the dark and the light and the blanket. Bless the bed, sheets smoothed down. Bless the monster under the bed.

Bless the denial that we all carry around, snuggle under, until it is time for facing our monsters.

Bless our thumbs, and sense of superiority. Bless the tired and the illicit and the crazy. Bless those who know but won't talk.

G-d bless those who read Proust and those who want to and can't and those who wonder who is Proust.

Bless those who work hard and those who don't care anymore and those who would like to care but can't.

Bless the prostrate and the energetic and the wandering lost.

Bless the incomprehensible and the random. Bless the ones who thought they were brilliant to invent ____ and then sad to find it dangerous. Bless the dangerous.

Bless the Jews and the fucking radicals and bless them even when we hate their actions and want to beat them up for accosting women and children.

Bless the camps all the crowded miserable horrible camps.

Bless racism and idiots. Bless all the bombs. Or none of them.

Bless those who believe in only black and white.

G-d bless those who believe in favorites.

Bless the miserly and mean and stupid and all the old and young. Bless the middle aged and fat bodies we drag around and the clothes made in China.

Bless the Chinese and the Palestinians, and Al Queda and the next terrorists. Bless the deranged and the sweaty and the smelly. Bless the good stuff and the reprehensible.

Bless hell and those who go thru it and those who never make it out.

Bless those who make things that disturb us and those that can't watch.

Bless the rock and the hard place

Bless the fire and the ice.

Bless the cold that keeps us moving and the warmth that we enjoy. Bless the laughter and the desperation that makes us laugh too hard.

Bless the insecure and the infirm and the strong and capable. Bless those who mistake strength for good and vulnerability for weakness.

Bless the ones who remember and those who forget.

Bless the nature of things and the essence and the spaces in between.

Bless the void and the connections.

Bless you too G-d, even if you are an atheist.

Bless all those who are determined to put prayers back in school, and those who realize it never left.

Bless those who say wtf and those who wonder if you made that up first.

Bless the wretched and the joyful. Bless the wretched joyful.

Bam

2011-12-23T08:57:00.002-06:00

Last night to my 13 year old: "One day you will fall in love and *bam* it will hit you hard, and you will want to be with that person all the time. Just like it's hit Patrick now, like it hit Madeleine last year, and it happened to me, a couple of times. And you'll think you know what love is.

Then one day you'll have a baby, and you'll get hit an indescribable number of times harder, with love. It's why new parents can just sit around and watch their baby. For long periods of time. Even if it's sleeping.

The career, and all your plans don't matter much any more. It's all about the baby and nursing and watching it grow.

You'll start learning from your kids, 'cause you're smart, and they will teach you so much. And they will break your heart, many times.

Then, with your second one, you'll wonder how you could possibly love another child as much as you love your first. (I was very protective of Patrick, and couldn't imagine loving another as much as I loved him.)

And then, you meet the second child, and somehow, there IS enough love. It's not like a small fishbowl and now there are two fish, it's like there's a bigger bowl. There's plenty!

By the time you have your third child, you trust that there is going to be enough love to go around, and you find that also there is the brother and sister now to love this third child. Patrick only had me and his dad."

After a moment, she adds, "And cousins - you get all those cousins who love you."

"Yes, that's true."

"Our Sidney is going to get SO much love, 'cause she's the youngest cousin."

Smile. "I hadn't thought of that."

2011-12-11T08:06:00.001-06:00

Draft - finish this
New idea : the Republican party has no choice but to attack every institution with an ounce of credibility. This is, sadly, the result of letting radicals take over the party, and rewarding drama queens like Newt Gingrich (no offense to drama queens).

If I started several wars that helped bankrupt the federal budget, raided social security for the entire baby boom generation, and I fought regulation to the point of assisting wall street in bringing down our economy, and I didn't have any real candidates who could lead, I might attack constantly too.

Alcoholics and addicts have an interesting tactic when dealing with their lives. It's all too easy to fight about _______. Meaning everything. Anything except the real problem. The drinking or drugs. So they can be extremely belligerent. It's easy, to the unaware, to get sucked into an argument that is ultimately a diversionary tactic.

So emboldened (confused?) has the radical right become that they even attack the idea of democracy - insisting now that we are supposed to be a republic. Sure it's a crafty move, one imbued with academic finesse, but it's just another way to tear down what we have struggled for 200 years to build.

It is the very fact we are a democracy that allows radical right to tear down our institutions - the ones that have helped lead us to some sort of balance. The govt, the news, and the schools.

Yes, it's an experiment. It is after all ONLY 200 years old. And when the sands of time wash over us in another 200 years it will look very different than it does today.

The question is simply this: can we give the problem we face a name? Is it radicalism that threatens the foundations of our government?

NPR - having decimated the government's credibility, the new target is our best journalism or source of information.

What other institutions are to be attacked in the war of ideology? Universities.

Starve the beast - stated strategy. Why isn't this more publically discussed?

John McCain - brow beaten into positions I don't think he believed in.

Ronald Reagin - idea: poor people are bad. But was he the last compassionate conservative?

2011-12-07T09:46:00.001-06:00

Decided not to stress about the 5 events coming this weekend: a dinner for youth group, a luncheon to attend, a play to attend (our own young starling on stage), a fundraiser to run and finish up, and a 2nd social at our house. Yes, the holiday cards are on my desk. No, I don't have all the addresses or photos printed. Yes, I wrote the letter to family and friends :) No, I won't stress. Yes, there are knitting projects waiting to be transformed into gifts. No, I haven't quite finished shopping, tho I thought I had. Yes, I get to have kids do wrapping for me :D No, I haven't finished cleaning the house. Yes, I have a plan for cleaning the entire house. No, we didn't make the choir concert last night because G didn't feel good. Yes, I did make a mess of the kitchen last night. Making crackers. And then I rested. And then went to work in my warm, comfy bed. Dreaming.

Good to sleep, wonderful to dream. And to wake and bless the house and all our plans, children, loved ones and "enemies".

Now, to stick to the plan. Work. Not stress.

Why are Birthday Candles so Small?

2011-12-05T11:45:00.001-06:00

There is something sweet about the tip of a hat, such that the phrase is common, while hats (that can be tipped) are not so much.

I had to smile when "That 70s Show" (tv sitcom) had Red (the dad) on an episode the other night, with his hat on, going to dinner with his wife. It's one of the only sitcoms I watch, and my favorite character is this Dad - he's less contrived than Archie Bunker, but cut from the same cloth. It could just be that Archie was more like my grandparents, and Red is more like my Dad.

Speaking of Dads, my biological father had a birthday yesterday. I mean, he's dead, but it's still a birth day, isn't it? I got sad this morning when I realized I may be the only one on the planet who remembered it today. (Yeah, ok, a day late.) It had been nagging in the back of my mind... early Dec... I wasn't close to him for most of my life, so it's a tough one to recall. Heck, birthdays of best friends and dear family are elusive (the 17th or the 19th? or was it the 21st? It was an odd day...)

It's weird how some thoughts have come to me only as a result of age. For instance about 10 or 15 years ago, I realized that there were fewer people on the planet who had held me as a baby. My dad died, my grandparents had mostly gone. Slowly they were leaving. I have one grandparent left. My Mom :D and two sweet aunts who were probably all about holding me. It's cool to know someone who has known me that long.

But today it was a sad surprise to think that maybe no one else remembered my Dad's birthday. His mom died about 7 months before he did, in 1998. And his step dad, my sweet surviving grandparent, maybe isn't good at those kind of dates. Would he remember?

My uncle might remember, but I don't know how good he is for birthdays either, even for his brother. My aunt, his wife, may have remembered. It gives me an excuse to call her. I think my Dad was born in 1940, so he would have been 71 today if he had lived. Wow - that would have been something. Hard to imagine him old since he died pretty young. 57.

Seemed old-ish then. Pretty young, now.

He was crazy smart. Like really. Crazy. and Smart. We think he was bipolar, which explains both, sort of. I love that he was a damn good writer and an award winning journalist. I think of him when I see college football marching bands - he was the drum major for the university of florida, one of his proudest achievements.

And he bought me my first horse when I was about 7 or 8. A beautiful quarter horse, Mr. Skip. One day I'll have a horse again. I'll remember who first taught me to ride.

He loved to tell stories and jokes. He gave a lot of compassion to people - so I was told after his death.

Jews have a tradition of lighting a candle each year on the anniversary of someone's death. We remember our dead on certain holidays too (Yom Kippur, etc - see this link for more info). It's said that as long as someone remembers you, you live on in the world. For the first time, I think I'll be making a donation in my Dad's honor. And I'll be lighting a candle :) For his birthday. Sucks that they are so small. Burn out quick.

May his memory be for a blessing. Maybe, at last, he rests in peace.
v

Today is Pirsig's Birthday

2011-09-06T12:59:00.006-05:00

One of the most influential books in my long affair with literature.
"The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there." — Robert M. Pirsig (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values)

Thanks to Garrison Keillor for the tip.

This too, found after Writer's Almanac today.

from Wikipedia: The novel's title is a quotation taken from the novel's end, where Susie
ponders her friends' and family's newfound strength after her
death:

"These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the
connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often
magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a
way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought
were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some
unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this
miraculous lifeless body had been my life.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lovely_Bones

A book I've yet to read.

Falling Apart

2011-06-05T16:26:00.006-05:00

My beloved Cantor in Charlotte, the amazing Andy Bernard, often taught: services and rituals need to be refreshed, renewed. But if we change too many things, it's disconcerting. We also need some comfort in the predictability and "sameness" of ritual.

So we seek balance, those of us who make our own rituals, or help others find their footing.

Losing everything is devastating. And at the same time, eventually, there comes a new sensation, after the grief and shock has worn off a bit. It is almost like a quiet sunrise. Could be a small smile at some silly thing for the first time in a while. Maybe noticing something beautiful an it doesn't hurt.

These could be a signal of the beginning of a new life, little green shoots, a possibility of transformation, like the Phoenix out of the ashes. Nothing amazes and humbles me as much as the strength of the human spirit.

This lovely short article, Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea, gives the Hindu interpretation of the power of going to pieces. I suspect there is more behind the story of Akhilandeshvari, something about coming apart and still climbing on the back of the crocodile (Fear), bit by bit. (I didn't find more story after 5 mins of research online, so I will leave you to your own devices/detective skills.)

Even riding on the crocodile, notice, gives some measure of comfort and consistency. So does falling apart itself, once you've been thru it a time or two.

I found that disengaging from all the status symbols, going around like the little cinder girl (who begs for sparks, having none of her own) has incredible power, even if in just releasing the constraints of Society's Expectations.

Mind you don't want to stay there, forever a waif, but it also lets you appreciate the small things, like washing machines, and cars that run. "Hitting bottom", no matter in what guise, also gives a HUGE shot in the arm to Compassion :)

Giving in to the flow and letting yourself Become, with curiosity and kindness, makes dis-integrating into chaos... not fun, but maybe more bearable.

And if you are determined, it strengthens your faith ;)
v
ps. My Grandma Verne used to hug us tight and whisper "Love you to pieces!" (smile) Now *that's* a powerful statement ;)

Good Grief

2011-05-19T06:30:00.006-05:00

I have two friends who are struggling thru the pain of losing a spouse - one is a neighbor, a new friend; the other is a man I've known since highschool, a dear friend who saved my life once.

I woke up thinking about the ways we all respond to this universal human "thing", grief.*

My own grief these days centers around children growing up. Because I've missed some years of their childhood, the ending years when they really aren't kids, but are making leaps into the world (college, first jobs) the experience of regret and loss are fresh. Some days knocks me to my knees.

I've learned to let it knock me down and then do what needs to be done. Of course the kids don't know (and I assume don't read this blog) so I get a few Mommy points for dumping guilt and self-pity and just encouraging them :) Some days I pick myself up by the scruff of the neck and remember that I'm very lucky to have such good kids, smart funny and kind. So get over it - they are fine, I'll be fine, and while I'm not the sun in their universe, I'm a powerful moon. Their job is to get a bit further out of my gravitational pull anyway, right?

Grief, I've always said, is a strange animal. It has a life of it's own. We hate it, but it is one of the most powerful waves that will ever hit us, and it comes again and again.

I remember the sensation of first hearing about loss (brother, dad, etc) and how the mind freezes, time stops, the universe shifts. And then there is that sense of shock and, if you've been thru it a few times, you think, somewhere in an addled brain "Here we go".

The shock and denial now seem like buffers to me. The frantic struggle of the mind to reorganize your personal galaxy into a recognizable form is met with resistance from that part of you that can't believe it. There is suddenly someone or something missing and you aren't sure whether to fight or flee. I did both in various ways and also tried laying down, playing dead to see if it would go away.

Nothing worked of course. You can push the grief back, and it comes back harder next time. You can give into it, and it still comes back. The finality is so freaking... final.

Those first days, weeks, months of shock eventually wear off and then there is a weird struggle to decide what the hell now? Now what?

Most people get up, do the dishes, feed the children, go to work. Routine helps, right? Work takes your mind off it. You just have to know there will be moments when grief suddenly joins you in the car, and you will pull over for it and cry.

In college I fought the "moving on" stage - and I can hold a fight longer than anyone I know. ug. Months of anger and bitterness and despair. I'd lost a really close friend and man was it ugly.

Now I see it as a part of my indominable spirit - the girl I was. It was me against G-d and the inevitablity of death. I fought that fight like a madwoman. Mad doesn't begin to cover it. (I think I at least made G-d throw up his/her hands and walk out of the room. Death, I'm pretty sure, laughed; which still pisses me off.)

Funny at 17 I already knew somehow that I didn't want to move on, just "get over it". I didn't want to lose my friend by letting go and accepting that he was gone. That would make it worse! I'd start forgetting! I couldn't stop time but I could fight like hell. I guess Death and Time won. Like doctors and nurses, G-d lets them do the dirty work.

Now those big losses are smaller - I orbited along, slowly moving away from each loss and now they are something I have to pull out intentionally, most days. The deaths and divorces, they are part of my past but don't define me (as they did for a while).

All this had been filed way back in the "Stuff that Happened Long Ago" file until my friends lost their spouses. All I can offer them is some small things I cherish - some time, some attention, a listening ear, reading and writing. Meals. Cookies.

Yeah so I don't have any brilliant ending to this. There is none. Life happens. Death happens. You are small. We are small. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Grief: n. from the Latin kick your buttus. Part animal. Unpredictable, known to be entirely independent. Especially provoked over loss of toys in the young, youth in the old and potentially at any human death.

No telling how you will deal with it, when it will come along, when it will bite you in the ass, or just rub against you to remind you of someone you love. Best to remember, as my Dad once joked about a dog**, it gets smaller. Whether you want it to or not.

*btw, elephants grieve too, but I think they are the only ones - ha, in our limited knowledge.
**referring to a small poodle. When my new boyfriend, petting her asked "Will she get bigger?" Dad answered, "No, she only gets smaller." Boyfriend nodded, "Oh, ok." Best Meet the Boyfriend moment ever.

Keeping an Eye on the Working Poor

2011-05-03T12:59:00.002-05:00

Here is a good site to keep us informed about the problem of food insecurity in this country. I noticed that the increase need for food assistance had been increasing even before the economy tanked. It's not okay to let our elderly and children go without food, as wealthy as this country is. Add a catastrophe like the tornadoes in Alabama and across the South last week, and you have an even bigger disaster. This is, in my opinion, what Katrina taught us - yes, we have to prepare for disasters, but we can't turn away from the poverty that is pervasive.

Yearning, Chaos, Messiness...

2011-04-16T08:00:00.003-05:00

"Don't we all want life to make sense? To find some underlying purpose to the continuous ups and downs, the fear and the joy, the accomplishments and the disappointments? ... we want to know "what it all means," as if there were some ultimate wisdom that could ease our striving and uncertainty. The sages encourage us to study life for clues and act as if that understanding were possible. Jewish wisdom sanctions the yearning, even ennobles it, at the same time teaching that there is no meaning: only a kind of dance between meaning and ambiguity; understanding and misunderstanding; faith and doubt; essence and no-essence. And the more joyous the dance, the richer and more holy the life.

We may all accept this intellectually, even think it's obvious. But how many of us see our daily challenges - a disagreement with a loved one, a deadline, even a traffic jam - as holy? Never mind major disappointments or crises; those eruptions of chaos. We relish order, neatness, resolution. We forget that life has no straight lines or easy paths. The process of becoming is circuitous, to say the least. Yet so many of us expend endless energy wishing and trying to make it otherwise. We long for those happy times of satisfaction, even celebration, of feeling like all is well, balanced, and fulfilling. During these times we can look back on our lives, even the tough times, and see all that led us here as somehow necessary and right. Life does have a purpose after all.

And we can't help but be surprised when those happy times don't last. We believe families are supposed to get along. Faces are not supposed to get wrinkles. We judge people when they don't "have it together," especially ourselves. In short, most of us think that life is supposed to work out the way we hope it will or even expect it to. We secretly want the kitchen to be finally clean. And yet, if the kitchen was always clean, there would be no meals."

(excerpt from Yearnings, Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life, Rabbi Irwin Kula)

going to do the dishes ;)

Heroes Remembered

2011-02-14T19:52:00.000-06:00

Reading a biography of Lincoln (well, 2 actually). Need to get a good one on Lee. Do we have leaders of such stature now?

Arlington National Cemetery:: Historical_Information

What We All Knew

2011-02-12T09:34:00.000-06:00

Financial Crisis Panel Says Disaster Was Avoidable : NPR

What has slowly dawned on me is that I don't really blame bank executives for guzzling down millions of our hard earned dollars in the form of bailouts and bonuses. I don't blame people who took a good deal on a house, took a chance and bought what they thought they could afford. And I don't blame housing markets which (not who) are not capable of ethical decisions - because markets are like mobs.

But I do very squarely blame our elected officials.

Markets are supposed to flow to where there are profits - they are designed to make more money. Bank executives while personally responsible for the greed that contributed to the failure of our housing market and global economy, can't legally be held liable for gross misconduct. They too are like lizards and just follow the reptilian mentality of "make more" and to hell with the "little people".

Homeowners do what consumers do - they bought houses at low interest rates and believed what we've all been told since infancy: homeownership is the American Dream, it's stability, it's responsible and it makes you a good person. Keep your grass cut and good edging shall set you free!! They also believed that they would make more money in the future, so buying a little more house than you can really afford (I can hear real estate agents eagerly encouraging the shiny faced buyer with stars in their eyes) is ok, because you know the bank wouldn't qualify you for something that you really can't afford...

[Btw, the same "we're moving on up" mentality is what makes taxpayers averse generally to higher taxes for the rich, some study has shown. They believe they too will be rich one day, so we don't want to tax the very wealthy because that could be us! (one day) (maybe) (hopefully)]

So that leaves the government - who has a duty to play referee. Some would say it's one of the only clearly proper roles for government, besides protecting the land we stand on, with force if necessary. So we have a standing army, and a Congress, an Administration and a Judicial branch. Let's assume the Judicial isn't going to go out and solve a problem we don't know exists, so therefore don't have legal action which would bring it to their attention. So they are pretty much off the hook.

Let's also remember that Bush jr. was in office, and while he is very bright in many ways, he also got us into the FUBAR mess in Iraq and Afghanistan, and designed "No Child Left Behind" so we can't really expect him to come up with protections for something as significant as the future of generations for the entire global community.

So that leaves one branch of government. I don't expect the people who serve in Congress to come up with all the solutions. I don't expect them to be flawless. Surely we agree they work in an extremely daunting environment of political jujitsu, highly partisan maneuvers and short sightedness (they can be fired every 4 - 6 years). They are charged with spending our money well - and not all of them truly seem to get the gravity of the fiduciary duty to spend our money carefully, conservatively.

They also get to take funds from the business community. Why? Because we have somehow decided that big business gets to have a say in who we elect. But businesses are also faceless corporate entities. Businesses are groups of people, who share but one overriding interest - staying in business, which requires making a profit.

So Congress was the only guard we had against a colossal failure of world markets. Because the US economy has dominated global economics for decades (emerged after WWII) we inherited both the benefits and the responsibility to protect stability everywhere. Now, we have stumbled, and we are at a very crucial turning point. China eagerly jostles to take over the reins of world's leading economy.

This "special" report, released years after the crisis started, finally is complete. And it spreads the blame. But it looks like a whitewash and lacks insights based on basic human behavior (pursuit of profit and the American Dream).

What could have addressed is how the best and brightest minds in the world - in congress but also in our academic, policy and business community - missed the structural failures in business and regulations that led to the worst economic crisis in decades.

How Long Until We Take this Seriously?

2011-02-09T05:35:00.000-06:00

I've been following the environmental damage we're doing since the 80's. It's been a "core value" of mine since I was a child - to protect our natural resources. Clearly the system we've created for abiding on the planet is flawed. Many think that the Earth will have her revenge. Very tribal isn't it?

'Alarming' Amazon Droughts May Have Global Fallout : NPR

Global Warming and Snow Storms

2011-02-07T15:50:00.000-06:00

I looked this up because, while I had heard of the issue before I needed clarity. Seems disaster preparedness is a grand field to get into for my "encore career".

Is Extreme Weather a Result of Global Warming? (POLL) - World Watch - CBS News

Babies Need touch, not TV

2011-02-02T13:40:00.001-06:00

duh http://health.yahoo.net/articles/parenting/tv-watching-bad-babies-brains

Not so sure what it does to kid or adult brains either. As Mom likes to remind the kids, it takes less brain activity to watch TV than to sleep. Def true in my case :)

Struggle

2011-01-30T14:41:00.008-06:00

When I decided to become Jewish, to undertake a year of study with my Rabbi and eventually to convert, I happily told my best friend; she had converted years before, but had also been raising her children Jewishly even earlier, so she had about 20 years of affiliation by then. Of course she congratulated me, then wryly mused, "I must be really Jewish now, because honestly my first thought was "Why?"".

As so many things have since, this struck me as supremely odd. Yet I've had a few other brave souls give me the same reaction and it is, I would discover, quintessentially Jewish.

What they are referring to is the innate struggle. It is often unspoken because it is so deeply inherent. Being Jewish is to be stereotyped, to be a minority, to be sometimes vilified, and yes, occassionally discriminated against. It's happened to me in the mere 10 years since my conversion.

To many who were born into the mantle that is Judaism, it seems odd that someone would willingly embrace their faith. It is of course more than a faith - ask any secular Jew.

Today I attended a fund raising meeting at our new Temple.* It's a small shul**. I have belonged to two large synagogues, in cities with strong Jewish populations, and yet the challenges are the same: funding is scarce, resources thin, the congregation is involved but sometimes marginally. Once in a while key people burn out. A multitude of decisions teeter on the head of a pin - we must balance our expectations of congregants with a sincere acknowledgement that many things distract people from supporting their Temple. Life is demanding.

As with other faiths, religious life used to be the center of the community, the services were well attended, shul was socially important and economically relevant. Not only were major life events celebrated, but shared too were the mundane details of life's routines.

Now we struggle to make ends meet. This recession has not translated into more attendance in organized religion. As the country and the world falters, so do the institutions that support it. Why should we be any different?

Once again Jews are reminded that while we are unique, we are not Special - our Temples are also hard hit by economic scarcity, and most were already struggling before the recession.

Why kvetch when the budgets are tight?*** As someone observed wisely today in our meeting, yes, we are running a deficit, but we will survive as we always have. We need to plan long term and deal with near term shortfalls.

Are we surprised? I knew there would be hard times when I chose Judaism, I just didn't know how, when or where. I undertook the committment with as much forethought and foresight as I could muster. I considered it for years before I even began to study. And I knew I had no idea of what I was getting into. My longing for the beauty of the liturgy, the intellectual and philosophical rigor, the transcendant music and chanting, the sublime Hebrew and Yiddish, the tight-knit community, the fascinating history and traditions, the mysticism (which I was too young to study at 36) all outweighed my doubts. Just writing about what attracted me to Judaism, to this day, puts tears in my eyes.

Similarly I knew when I met my husband that there would be challenges, tho I could not predict what issues would arise. We had 3 years of off and on dating before we ironed out the details. And like all couples we will always have things to work out.

Marriage offers plenty of opportunities for growth. Something causes pain or discomfort before motivation and attention is turned to what needs to be addressed. So first imbalance, some struggle or work, then usually, resolution and peace regained. Or detente declared.

I think it works the same way at Temple :)

Other long term / life committments, such as college and career present the same opportunities. Who among us can say we really knew what to expect? Did it go as we planned? And yet we accepted the challenge, perhaps with a prayer we would succeed. Now we all know people who have radically changed their lives as a result of the recession, a historical event that few predicted, even counting the experts. Millions are still struggling to deal with entirely different circumstances than they foresaw.

We learn to expect the unexpected.

The difficulties in personal life, the challenges overcome, much as we loathe to admit it, make us stronger. Why wouldn't this fringe benefit apply as well to the Temple where we gather to thank G-d for our blessings?

Decades ago Scott Peck, who wrote the Road Less Travelled (second best selling book of all time), described the decisions of parenting as having to struggle with choices. He observed that while we must do our best to make the right decisions, we are all human and sometimes we will make mistakes. He went on however to note that it was very important, crucial even, for our children to see us struggle with parenting. As role models, the more important lesson was in the how not the what. How we arrived at a decision was the key to showing our kids we took parenting seriously. What we decided was less critical. That we love them enough to struggle with the responsibilities inherent to parenting - that was the treasure to show them.

In effect, it is the journey, not the destination that matters.

Maybe it is a blessing to get to work hard to support our Temple (or Church or Mosque). Call me crazy, but it does seem to bring us together doesn't it? It even encourages creativity. And cutting away where we can. Keeping what is crucial.

I believe that struggling to protect our faith, our community and our values is the point. If G-d is watching us, maybe that is the goal - to see if we care enough to have the courage and determination to make the effort, to find solutions. Even if it feels as though we are sometimes wandering in the desert, looking for the Promised Land.

b'Shalom
vjc

*I chose a seat in their meeting place - the lobby. HaShem has such a sense of humour. I stayed as an observer, left on a subcommitte :)

**synogogue

*** I honestly didn't hear anyone kvetch today at the meeting - concern, yes. Complaints? No. It's a lovely group of warm committed people. I'm really enjoying this Jewish community :) Small but active!

Network neutrality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2011-01-27T04:59:00.000-06:00

Network neutrality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I have to make time to dig into this. My husband won't let it go, so now I have to understand the nuances. Of course the devil is in the details, and even with a computer and legal background, there are way too many for my mere mortal mind (at least in this moment).

I've also been thinking about how incredibly useful Wikipaedia is. I noticed recently they were looking for something - members, cash? This goes on my to do list. I like how much I use it, and how amazing a free online encyclopedia is :)

At this moment I have no fewer that 3 Wiki pages open, out of 28 tabs in my browser.... don't judge - it helps me keep on task, and holds (bookmarks) Ideas I want to fiddle with.

Enjoyment :)

2011-01-27T04:54:00.000-06:00

I realized the other day when I quit reading newspapers on weekdays, then eventually on weekends, I lost the comics too. It's a great art form, where smart and sly give us some thing to think about, a deft turn of images and words shoves us over a notch, off our assumptions... they give dimension to a too often flat tableau of news. Welcome to Doonesbury

One of my Favorite Companies of All Time

2011-01-27T04:48:00.000-06:00

Chinaberry.com: Books, audio books, toys, games, and crafts for the whole family

Will Smith

2011-01-27T04:32:00.003-06:00

This is a great compilation. I would like to play it every day for a year, along with other great videos and media, to classes of kids at all levels, but especially inner city.

Being realistic is the most common road to mediocrity

Rick Steves' Europe: Stretch Your Dollar With the Thrifty Fifty Best Tips for Smart European Travel

2011-01-27T04:15:00.000-06:00

This is fun to read - not making plans for this kind of travel soon, but it's great motivation for next year! Rick Steves' Europe: Stretch Your Dollar With the Thrifty Fifty Best Tips for Smart European Travel

Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood Home

2011-01-27T04:09:00.000-06:00

Interesting site : Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood Home

It's too easy to ignore how much we are inundated with advertising. Just as sure now as I was 19 years ago (when Patrick was born) that it is good to cocoon kids. Some people do it because they are simple people, the salt of the earth. Others do it because there are studies that prove them right. Others just can't stand the influence going to a cartoon character.

Fight consumerism. Or it will take you and yours.

Harry Potter Movie

2011-01-25T18:15:00.003-06:00

Finally saw it - the first installation of the final book. Not bad tho I think they could have explained more background for those who haven't read all the books (as in G's case, multiple times) and maybe don't recall details from the last movie.

Really - who would know what a horocrux was?

I thought they did a wonderful job with Dobby. My favorite character - dedicated, brave, small, kind, working with not much, a lot of heart, and grew into a beloved friend.

The Muse Cometh

2011-01-06T16:42:00.002-06:00

It seems like weeks since I've had time to write, and sure enough I realize I haven't been here since early November. Yeesh.

It happens to coincide with a promotion I took, so no surprise there. I don't like that working seems to always edge out thinking (grin). More posts soon as I get a bit more even, or rather my life does. I've spent years learning to remain balanced thru all kinds of storms; hoping that means it doesn't take such a toll.

Dreaming lately (seems out of the blue) about managing disasters so am back to the grad school search. U of Chicago seems good, but will do some checking to verify.

Fun aside : in my dreams I was working to get people - soon to be known as civilians? - out of harms way during a flood. The fun part was that the scene replayed itself, in a series. Each time I got a little better at getting people out. More lives saved. Interesting.

By way of a small update, am settling into work as Manager at a small bistro (is that redundant?) and apres holidays with kids. Still teaching Hebrew, and learning to deal with snow/cold (it's not bad actually). Noticing how fragile hope can be sometimes, and how much feelings ebb and flow over longer stretches of time. I've slogged for a long time, but more as a pilgrimage than a punishment. Wondering if hope gets more fragile as we get older? There's that whole bit about the enthusiasm of youth... I still have mine, and laugh loud and often, feel deeply, all that. However I am more selective about where I put my energy :) Probably a good sign.

namaste

ps. also changing around my accounts online - dumping loaded email addresses for instance. Early spring cleaning

Don't Let the Contradiction Stop You

2010-11-03T08:21:00.000-05:00

Critics Of Stimulus, Earmarks Try Back Door For Funds : NPR

On my Reading List

2010-11-03T07:43:00.000-05:00

Toxic Sludge is Good for You

Praise for the Center for Media and Democracy | Center for Media and Democracy

This Makes Sense to Me

2010-11-03T05:09:00.000-05:00

And add more regulation to banking as needed. Shadow Banking and Financial Regulation — The Harvard Law School Forum on Corporate Governance and Financial Regulation

Just When I Was Losing Faith in Voters

2010-11-03T04:58:00.000-05:00

Florida: Scott-Sink governor race very tight; Rubio wins Senate seat - USATODAY.com: "One possible reason for the close race was worry over Scott's business past. The company Scott grew into the largest for-profit health care provider in the country in the 1990s, Columbia/HCA, paid a record $1.7 billion Medicare fraud fine following an FBI probe shortly after Scott stepped down as CEO."

Stamina My Friends

2010-11-03T03:45:00.000-05:00

I heard recently the accusation that the government is printing money. What an asinine and irresponsible accusation. In truth, the Feds have controlled money supply for a long time, and while they keep the number steady, "printing money" is more fear mongering rhetoric. Maybe one day we'll build a smarter "consumer"/ constituent, who isn't so easily fooled. Oh, that's right, with draconian cuts to education, maybe not.

I do like this article, which at least makes a good explanation of the tools we have at hand. Love that no one (that I heard of) talked about these points before the election. Just doesn't play well, as the article points out.

Who can magically fix the economy? No one - Full version - Oct. 15, 2010

Prison Economics Help Drive Ariz. Immigration Law : NPR

2010-10-29T09:10:00.000-05:00

I can't even read this. Prison Economics Help Drive Ariz. Immigration Law : NPR But of course I have to.

Explains Political Clash of 2010?

2010-10-28T21:50:00.000-05:00

"If there has been an overarching human error, it has been to construct cultural contexts that fail to mesh with planetary realities."

Cultures 'R' Us: Evolution, Self Interest And Wanting What We Have : 13.7: Cosmos And Culture : NPR

Looking at Life Clearly

2010-10-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

I like this writer - too many things on my shelf right now, but enjoyed this excerpt. 'Slow Love' by Dominique Browning We would agree on many things: the benefits of being alone, how nice it is to make your world smaller, how important love is to sustain us and how little "things" matter. Losing a job can be a great gift, tho it may take time to see the good in it. Gratitude helps - makes all the difference. Might as well walk gently thru each day and enjoy it :) Or dance passionately, but don't miss it.

All about Perspective - great read

2010-10-27T09:32:00.001-05:00

Excerpts from:

How Will You Measure Your Life? - Harvard Business Review

"intimate and loving relationships with their families are the most powerful and enduring source of happiness."

"Unconsciously, we often employ the marginal cost doctrine in our personal lives when we choose between right and wrong. A voice in our head says, “Look, I know that as a general rule, most people shouldn’t do this. But in this particular extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK.” The marginal cost of doing something wrong “just this once” always seems alluringly low. It suckers you in, and you don’t ever look at where that path ultimately is headed and at the full costs that the choice entails. Justification for infidelity and dishonesty in all their manifestations lies in the marginal cost economics of “just this once.”"

Choose the Right Yardstick
"This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.
I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.
I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success."

How Will You Measure Your Life? - Harvard Business Review

Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life : Kathleen Norris

2010-10-27T09:20:00.001-05:00

Found this book at Borders last week for like $6 - great read for the thoughtful and for anyone who has had or had loved ones with depression. Very gentle, hopeful, beautiful, inspiring, insightful.

Amazon.com: Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life (9781594489969): Kathleen Norris: Books

Juan Williams at odds with NPR over dismissal

2010-10-25T07:26:00.002-05:00

Juan Williams at odds with NPR over dismissal

NPR paid him to be an analyst, not to have personal opinions. He violated journalistic integrity. Period.

My comment to NPR: "Absolutely agree that Mr. Williams earned the right to lose his job. He wasn't performing to standards. He had been warned in the past. He could have asked for a commentators position. He could have removed himself from a tempting situation. I like him, personally, but I expect him and every other NPR reporter to do just that - report. Analyze. I may go to a book signing or read his book for a personal opinion. His was a sacred duty. NPR is one of THE last hopes for our democracy. The republic cannot stand without accurate, unbiased information disseminated to the voters. Loss of confidence in our journalists and media matches our loss of confidence in a political system that is flooded with special interest funds, and therefore entirely suspect. Thank you NPR for doing the right thing, hard as it was. I'll be sending in a donation. I also suspect a VAST majority of the flak you received was generated by non-listeners."

btw all of us have the right to be scared at any point in our lives, including Williams. What he didn't have is the right to express that in a public setting, in a role as representative of NPR, and keep his job, that clearly states he has to maintain journalistic standards - meaning he is unbiased in public. He would never have lost his job for saying those things in private or in public, while not performing as an NPR Analyst.

No one said he isn't decent and honorable and both a believer in and beneficiary of civil rights. However, if he worked for a large corporation like Coca Cola as a spokesperson, and admitted he liked Pepsi better while speaking at a conference *he would lose his job*.

We also don't let our military personnel demonstrate in political actions!? Has anyone ever wondered WHY? It's freaking common sense. People who represent our government in the armed services give up the right to express their political opinions pubically in their service to a high duty/calling. They protect all of us. Well so do certain (aka professional) journalists. It isn't his JOB to have an opinion. And he had numerous "slips" in the past.

Nina Totenberg had one, to my knowledge. AND her comments have been lately taken out of context - she didn't wish AIDS on anyone, but simply commented it would be an ironic sort of justice if Helms or one of his decendants contracted AIDS in light of his vociferous opposition to research for AIDS. Over the top, sure, but she, unlike Williams has an excellent track record.

One of the Worst Chapters in Our History

2010-10-23T08:02:00.001-05:00

Lillian McEwen breaks her 19-year silence about Justice Clarence Thomas

It's been 19 years since I lost faith in a big chunk of "the system".

Of course most knew or suspected that Clarence Thomas was a philanderer and had indeed harassed women all around him. Why else would women come out of the woodwork, most notably Hill, and risk being grilled over an open pit of vitriol from the right?

Beyond that my gripe is that the ABA (American Bar Association) didn't approve him as fit for the job, first time ever for a Supreme Court nominee. But his confirmation showed the writing on the wall - that our judicial system, even at the highest and most hallowed levels, was becoming politicized to the point of turning a blind eye to lack of qualifications.

Thomas' appointment tainted the Court.

side note: I didn't know he had worked for John Danforth, former Senator from Missouri, partner in a firm where I once "worked" and an ordained Episcopal Minister. I have a lot of respect for Danforth. Too bad his ethics and class didn't rub off on Thomas.

Long hair?

2010-10-22T20:17:00.000-05:00

A good friend once said, after cutting her waist-length locks, that she heard long hair "picks up vibrations" and she did feel not only lighter, but less ... less of an antennae! Loved the images that created.

Why Can’t Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? - NYTimes.com

Smoke and Mirrors?

2010-10-20T07:26:00.000-05:00

This article has been on my mind for the last ten days. Still absorbing.

Op-Ed Columnist - Hey, Small Spender - NYTimes.com

Small Comfort

2010-10-20T07:19:00.000-05:00

Report gives stimulus package high marks

And My Favorite Reason to End My Mild Addiction To FB

2010-10-19T20:51:00.000-05:00

Government Snoops Use Facebook. The Only Question is, for What? - COLORLINES

The Plot Thickens

2010-10-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

Police And Courts Regularly Abusing Wiretapping Laws To Arrest People For Filming Cops Misbehaving In Public Places | Independent American News

Didn't He Campaign on a Promise of Changing Prior Administrations' Abuses?

2010-10-19T20:48:00.000-05:00

Report: Obama Administration Wants to Update Wiretapping Laws � VOA Breaking News

Why We Need Judicial Oversight...

2010-10-19T20:47:00.000-05:00

oh, but that doesn't seem to work anymore either :(

Discovery of GPS tracker becomes privacy issue - CHARLESTON, SC NEWS - LIVE 5 WCSC Breaking News, Weather, Sports

Campaign Finance Reform - dead horse?

2010-10-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

Found this today, after following the $3 billion being spent on this year's elections. So far.

Obama dropped ball on campaign reform - CNN.com

And the Republicans missed their chance too.

Plutocracy - The influence the wealthy minority of the population has over the political arena includes campaign contributions, as well as bribing to achieve corporate objectives (exclusively profit related), refusing to support the government financially by refusing to pay taxes, threatening to move profitable industries elsewhere, and essentially any form of manipulation of the government. It can also be exerted by the owners and ad buyers of media properties which can shape public perception of political issues (see also: fourth estate)." wikipedia

The Problem with Gold Stars

2010-09-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

excerpt from Shop Class as Soul Craft, by Matthew B. Crawford:

"'Aristotle's understanding of happiness can shed light on those activities that truly engage us; maybe it can teach us something about work and leisure as well...In Greek, its telos. In English, this teleological understanding of happiness get condensed in the proverbial saying 'Happy as a pig in shit.'...There is a classic psychology experiment...Children who enjoy drawing were given marker pens and allowed to go at it. Some were rewarded for drawing (they were given a certificate with a gold seal and a ribbon, and told ahead of time about this arrangement), whereas for others the issue of rewards was never raised.Weeks later, those who had been rewarded took less interest in drawing, and their drawings were judged to be lower in quality, whereas those who had not been rewarded continued to enjoy the activity and produced higher-quality drawings. The hypothesis is that the child begins to attribute his interest, which previously needed no justification, to the external reward, and this has the effect of reducing his intrinsic interest in it.'"

(Found this quote posted on a wildly entertaining blog (link below) by a very angry, disenfranchised law school graduate.... Interesting reading on it's own ... I remain eternally grateful I didn't hit law school when it appealed to me. Figured out in about 1992 it wasn't worth it.)

Outside Lies Magic: A Law School Vendetta: OLM Book Club -- Zero Lemmings! Neidermeyer Says You're All Worthless & Weak! Part Deux:

Beautiful Boy

2010-09-26T12:12:00.001-05:00

I read an interesting book over the last few weeks, Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. I bought it almost a year ago (more?) but distractions kept me from it... probably reading vampire books. I have to say that this read was similar to the worst (meaning terrifying) fiction. I tend to avoid sad stories, overly gory movies, anything that might rip my heart out or put images that I can't handle into my head; they come rising unbidden in the dark, or a dark hour.*

Beautiful Boy is the story of a smart, engaged, sweet teenager who starts down the road of addiction and his father's struggle to help him.

So Beautiful Boy sat around for months based on my fear of how bad it would hurt. Instead, when I read it, I got the strange kind of comfort (sick in some ways) that comes from a pernicious half-lie, half-truth: "I am not like this man."

It may be a lousy self-centered excuse to therefore enjoy it, but I got into this book quickly, once I started. Sheff is a very clear writer, and yet didn't give me more info that I needed. I liked that he left some things unstated, like all the emotion that comes up when you see an ex-spouse, collaborative for a child, and you flash back to who you both once were, and how strangely connected you will always be, no matter how long since the divorce.

Sheff quotes a lot of classics, and new materials on addiction, and I lapped that up. It helps me to short-hand big thoughts into paragraphs, much like the cliches of AA and Al-Anon help alcoholics and families of alcoholics. I haven't examined his resources and credits lists, but I'm sure there is plenty of side-trails to follow from his reassuringly professional (think, journalistic) documentation.

There were nights I stayed up way too late to read Beautiful Boy, always a good sign. While I both love and hate this - the lure of a good book versus the 500 lb gorilla (my need for rest) - how could I not recommend it?

It takes a very well written story to stand down a primal need for sleep. And so it goes with the story of Sheff's son fighting addiction. Even with the more modern view that addiction is a disease, it's no less dangerous than a wild, unpredictable animal, and so primal in it's own way. All our advances in modern medicine don't give us pat answers about treatment for addicts, a point that Sheff makes very well with deep research and personal experience.

Sheff's research confirmed my suspicion that the rehab industry is all over the place with theories of what works, various studies that back up their claims of what works, and solid numbers, such as how many times does an addict relapse? Sheff doesn't shy away from all the ambiguity or resulting frustration. In the end you find that even with so much uncertainty there is a way to find some balance. Sheff writes it so well, that while you share his insanity (caused by loving an addict) you also get carried along and only slowly realize all the places in his life where it's crazy, which strikes me as very authentic.

By the way the book's title, I suspect, comes from a John Lennon song. He made a good role-model for those who (wrongly) equate addition/alcoholism with greatness/genius.

Even after years of studying the topic, I found a new reference to remind me that it is our stories that heal, and we have to do the leg work. Sheff has a helluva lot of courage. Anyone who has faced alcoholism, addiction or other "crazy" behavior (aka co-dependency) among their loved ones, or in themselves should check it out.

*It took me 5 years as a Jew to read about the Holocaust for instance. I had even coordinated Holocaust Remembrance gatherings for two years in a row, but had never read about the event. The details were too much for me to face. Similarly, when I read about women crossing the Oregon Trails I felt the same way. I read their stories while a big new job was crumbling for me and I was very much at the barrel end of a gun every day (boss was pretty insane), with a teen son fighting with his stepdad nearly every night. Still, somehow at least I had a bathroom and a bed. Women on the frontier had a hellish existence I could appreciate. Not only did their courage make me feel better, and not so fool-hardy, but also the depths of their pain and losses lightened my own a bit. Tragic, true, but at least I wasn't hiking my skirt on the prairie in front of a bunch of men.

Robert Reich (The Real Lesson of Labor Day)

2010-09-07T17:21:00.000-05:00

Note that (on average) earn LESS now than they did 30 years ago. Women with young children have had to go to work to support the family, and we've all had to work longer hours to keep up with inflation and spending.

We spend more on healthcare than any other Western nation. Our education system is foundering. And Obama is proposing two huge corporate tax breaks. Really?!

The right wants to renew Bush's tax cuts for the wealthiest but also wants to cut the deficit at the same time (with what?!?)

Businesses have capital, but don't want to spend it. Banks have funds, but are keeping credit super tight (after we bailed their lousy arses out of failure - spectacular failure that they worked so hard to earn).

Robert Reich (The Real Lesson of Labor Day)

New Ideas in Education

2010-08-24T14:16:00.000-05:00

This guy got coverage from NPR over a year ago, but I'm glad Gates has noticed him.

Here is his Kahn Academy website.

Sal Khan: Bill Gates' favorite teacher - Aug. 24, 2010

When I first heard the story of his success (based on free, short tutorials on youtube.com) I was impressed with the simple beauty - the elegance of the idea. I still haven't had a chance to view his work, but suffice it to say that anything new in educational theory (in this case trying a new delivery method, tho some call them "mcnuggets") is good, in my not so humble opinion.

I love that Gates and his foundation are looking for ways to revamp American education - the entire approach needs to be examined.

And yet I know that no matter how great Kahn is, or how well his "shorts" serve students, there is something missing when we take face-to-fact interaction away from students and teachers.

Being "live" in the flesh doesn't always matter, and if you can't get a real teacher a virtual or long-distance internet version may be the best you can do.

But make no mistake. Fast food is not the same as home cooked. Gourmet meals are not really packaged in the freezer aisle of the grocery story. And online interaction is not anywhere near as good as the communication that happens when two people are in the same room together. Yes, there are advantages, just like heating up a meal in a microwave or driving thru McDonalds, or canned food is sometimes the best you can do in a pinch.

Don't fool yourself. We should be careful what is served to our children and in our colleges - and how it is delivered.

Things Newlyweds Chat about

2010-08-24T14:04:00.000-05:00

snopes.com: The Unsolvable Math Problem and Lastest Solved Math Mystery Both of these are great true stories.

For his birthday I bought Stan three small volumes:

50 Mathematical Ideas (you really need to know) by Tony Crilly

50 Physics Ideas (you really need to know) by Joanne Baker

and Natural History Museum (London) Diary for 2010 (full of great photographs with technical details)

I thought they (the first two books anyway) would provide some info on great topics we could explore together, and followed along the lines of our "normal" conversations... at least one branch of our chats.

Many times we find ourselves going from current events to political philosophies. I'm grateful to every single one of my professors (at UGA) for giving me some ground on which to stand during these rigorous examinations of theory and current trends! Believe me, Stan gives me no - zero, nada - intellectual slack.

Happiness

2010-08-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

Happiness is so much better than I thought it would be. Last night when tucking G in, we were talking about gratitude and hope. She clearly thinks I'm nuts to be grateful all the time.

I had to tell her there were times in the past few years when I'd given up hope, or almost anyway. It seemed too much to wish for ... more than our daily bread, a roof over our heads, and our health. Loving family and beautiful things were amazing bonuses.

I had to make our world very small for a while. I was fine with this, and knew it was something like incubating, or hibernation...

Recently I've been able to see a path for us. I have dared to look more than a few weeks into the future, a peek. Now I'm thinking again about next year, and bigger goals.

I'm so glad my journey led us to Atlanta, and back to STL for a little while, and closer to NC friends and family for the last 3 years. Now moving again, while physically exhausting, has also been one of the most amazing times.

I think it has to do with gratitude, and our determination to help heal the world, having less needs and less ego, more G-d, lower expectations, higher standards.

I dreamt last night that Stan was saying grace for us over a meal... two different times... I think I said the blessing the second time... shared values means so much. It's a great start.

Small rituals to mark the turning points of our lives, public declarations of love mean a lot, and so does spending time with family and friends. We are so rich.

Love.

Cooking Therapy

2010-08-19T10:17:00.000-05:00

Made this on Sunday night for the family. Easy and came out great :) Sent some on the road with my Honey :D Eggplant Parmesan I Recipe - Allrecipes.com ps. did not use fresh basil. I think that would have been nice tho. Did use triple mushroom Classico sauce and roasted garlic sauce. Lunch!

Waves

2010-08-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

I love you beyond all reason

Beyond words

Beyond thought

Washes over me

and I ride

Floating

Amazed

Quiet

Then grinning.

Handwriting on the sky

Can't hold it

Nor song or baking

Not making love

Nothing can

But everything.

Farming Interrupted

2010-07-31T06:37:00.000-05:00

Wow. I have a cousin who is a full time farmer - it's not an easy life. Few choose it these days, but what a sweet legacy it is to take care of ourselves and our neighbors this way.

America's oldest family farm for sale - CNN.com

Another Reason for Better Oversight of Financial Institutions

2010-07-28T22:53:00.000-05:00

For those who doubt that we need banking/finance reform:

Life Insurance Firms Profit From Death Benefits : NPR

How big is the unregulated quasi-banking system operated by insurers? There are now more than a million of these accounts holding more than $28 billion at 130 life insurance companies.

Produce 40% of Earth's Oxygen (alarmed look)

2010-07-28T22:47:00.000-05:00

The Food Chain's Weak Link: Tiny Ocean Plants Dying : NPR

Go Janice!

2010-07-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

We're Taking Baby Steps: Getting the hang of this: "I am so excited to have this thing up and running... finally! However, considering I am not the most computer savvy person in the world, my ..."

Add Equal Parts Connection...

2010-07-28T21:48:00.000-05:00

A TON of respect, and some faith... next thing you know it's all grown up Love: How to Know It's Real Love - Advice from Martha Beck - Oprah.com

How is Standard Pricing Good Use of Public funds?

2010-07-26T18:52:00.000-05:00

Google gained a coveted security clearance today and hopes to serve the 2 million govt users. What I want to know is, *who* negotiated this deal?? Standard Pricing?? Since when does the government need to pay retail? Google Eyes More Government Deals For Online Apps : NPR

I Want to Play Here

2010-07-13T10:20:00.000-05:00

This is a great organization. I heard of them thru a friend whose children competed and they loved it! Odyssey of the Mind

What Our Kids are Missing

2010-07-12T19:48:00.000-05:00

I had a good friend recommend this:

"Richard Louv (Last Child in the Woods) calls [lack of being outside] 'nature deficit disorder.'"

Now Last Child is on my reading list :)

And the idea has caught on: Linda Buzzell: Can Playing in the Dirt Make You Smarter?:

Nice blog, Good Post

2010-07-12T10:34:00.000-05:00

Find the Gifts, Forget the “Faults” Enjoyed the reminder - and appreciate that our managing styles, like so much else, has continued to evolve. Dreamt the other night of being called down at work for bare arms - by the CEO. I actually worked for a firm that allowed no bare arms, no bare legs (panty hose required) and no bare toes.

I woke remembering how often organizations use shaming and blaming and "getting tough" and humiliation. And they actually think it works. But like spanking children, it works only to a degree and teaches many things you don't really mean to impart - like resentment and covert anger and avoidance.

Honest open discussion about problems is hard to learn, and is much more difficult - for employers and parents. But respect is the basis, and in my experience it keeps people working toward solutions.

Being polarized, using authority as a weapon, etc. don't really work.

As as wise book taught me (Positive Discipline?) "Where did we get the idea that to get someone to do better we have to make them feel worse?"

Not Enough Women in Science - still

2010-07-12T10:23:00.000-05:00

Can Legislation Fix the U.S. Science Gender Gap? - Newsweek

Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning

2010-07-12T10:22:00.000-05:00

This is a great article Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning

Worth remembering! I had my sweet gal (at 3) go in over her head as we sat on the steps. She went under right in front of me! within arms reach and I didn't realize at first she was in trouble! The bad thing is that a few minutes later she did it again. And again I was slow to react.

As a former lifeguard, I can't tell you how easy it is to miss someone. Back when I took class they didn't even talk about this.

It's a good idea to teach your kids this info too. If you enforce the buddy system (stick together in pairs, even at the pool and especially at a lake or at the ocean) they will watch out for each other. Even kids who know how to swim can drown.

Love this Guy

2010-07-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Back in '07 Stan says "It's your turn to plan a trip." We hadn't been dating long, so I ask, "Anything I want?" "Yep." he answers.

So I booked a fishing guide, Jimmy Traylor FlyFishArkansas.com for the tail waters of the Norfork. Turns out he thought we were meeting on the tail of the White River, so that's where we ended up. Luckily got a great camping spot right on the river.

It was a beautiful day of fly fishing trout, but the best part (for me) was finding out later Jimmy had saved my first voice message from when I called Jimmy to set up the trip I said, "Look I've been dating this guy, and I think he's kinda cool, but I'd like you to check him out. I know you probably don't do that on your trips, but I'm a single gal and would like a second opinion." Jimmy thought it was funny enough to play the message for Stan on our trip.

Stan got as big a laugh out of it as Jimmy did, and the rest is history :) Now we are starting to look for when we can have our honeymoon down on the river, and get out with Jimmy again. Awesome fishing, btw ;) Fantastic guide. Pretty good match maker too.

Underlying

2010-07-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

It's been amazing to hang out in NC this weekend and reconnect with some of my dearest friends. We floated around the farm that I've used to outline my own dreams for years...

Helms Farm is home to groves of ancient trees, oaks, pecans, etc., a small family house where his dad was raised, beautifully expanded for Chris and Mark's generation (our age) and growing children, blackberries, vegetable and herb gardens, streams, bee hives, forest and wild places, with rolling hills. Cool breezes caressed us, shade gave cover from the July sun.

It draws old dreams out of me, and memories of wandering this place with my sister circle and with my children. Nothing can replace the women who raise their children with you, kiss their injuries, your hurts, and bring you meals prepared in love for both joy and tragedy as it lifts or crashes our world.

My old plans for raising my children this way, steadily with constancy, out in the rural world where you never knew what would wander across your backyard early in the morning, those goals didn't go as planned.

Instead we moved 6 years ago to St. Louis and found new dreams, found new friends, and work to keep these that still love us in the South. Being of Ripe Age, I also have these kinds of connections to people in all kinds of unlikely places. Not just Florida and Georgia where I was raised, but also off in the worlds where friends have gone to - Seattle, New Jersey!

I wonder today at the small underlying grief for paths not taken, and for the physical absence of all of my children, in the season of their time with others, adventure of a modern type. They are getting ready for life, (aka college, an interesting diversion) and practice being grown up (working diligently to pay off debt - yes, already at the ripe old age of 16) and playing diligently in realms of our choosing, among friends and parental units in St. Louis.

I do better now, each year, with their departures. It is after all the job description incarnate - made flesh. To have your children leave the nest. It never goes as planned. The struggle seems most about learning to trust the process, and let go of our deep desire to have some say so. And, if we are lucky, we learn to laugh through our tears.

Coming home helps.

:')

What's In the Fridge

2010-06-30T06:07:00.000-05:00

I just think this is cool. I have no idea if it works, but I'm going to try it. Recommended by my favorite radio show (:

CookingByNumbers.com

Another Reason to Reduce Meat Consumption

2010-06-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm really not smug about rarely eating meat, but this announcement FDA urges less antibiotics in meat - Los Angeles Times seems like a no brainer. I heard about this problem about 15 years ago when I first started paying attention to what was/is in our food.

So eating little or no meat is good for our bodies, good for the planet (much greener to eat, well, greens) and avoids more toxins.

It's worth noting that the FDA isn't actually *making* meat producers use less antibiotics, just "urging" them to.

There must be a way

2010-06-30T05:55:00.000-05:00

to post to my blog and have it feed to Twitter and FB... hmmmm...

Anyway, this is me technically coasting - interesting side effect of being an IT geek for over 20 years... similar to the "rarely open documentation" syndrome.

But I'm still planning a new website or two, so I will get to swim in html again. It's not hard, just a learning curve. Good to get in there and ski those slopes :)

Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival in Chicago - NYTimes.com

2010-06-30T05:52:00.000-05:00

This is a concert I will have to make it to one year. Before it's too late. Friends in STL have been and said it's as great as you can imagine. Music Review - Eric Clapton’s Crossroads Guitar Festival in Chicago - NYTimes.com

Many years I saw Stevie Ray Vaughn play in ATL. Even in my ignorance of guitar greatness I heard what he had to say.

Sweet.

Bailey White - Author

2010-06-28T14:37:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite Southern authors - Bailey White

Here is a link to an audio story on NPR

Interesting Piece

2010-06-28T14:05:00.000-05:00

Aren't recluses always more interesting? I think this is why I find quiet people intriguing... you just never know what is going on under the hood.

Harper Lee breaks silence - just - for Mockingbird anniversary | Books | guardian.co.uk

Rising to Greatness

2010-06-28T13:39:00.000-05:00

[This is a letter I wrote to a local radio station after they aired a few segments about a gay man coming out to his family and their shock and horror. He was not only disowned, he was also physically attacked. I (blessedly) only caught the synopsis of the story, but it prompted me to write about my family.]

Hi Melissa - I just heard a recap on the Jeremy story this morning. I hope you all will consider doing a segment on families, especially stalwart Southern families who are amazing in their acceptance and support for a gay member.

I have to tell you that I have a very traditional branch in my family tree. They are in south Georgia, generally farmers, truck drivers, housewives, teachers and conservative Christians. Normal folks. Some are well educated but most are not.

My cousin, "Brad" who is a few years younger than I, grew up in this environment and was 20 something before he realized he was gay. Many of us already suspected this was the case anyway and so it was fun to be very laid back about it when he told us. He was the one a bit surprised ("How did you know!?" he asked :)

Anyway we are very close, so I know first hand about the family reaction. While it took some getting used to, and adjustments in their thinking, all of them, his parents, his aunts, grandparents and certainly siblings completely accepted and still accept and support him today.

His father is Sheriff in south Georgia, not a small role as you may know. He worked for over 20 years in various counties before being elected about 10 or 15 years ago. Sheriff/Uncle is very well educated (PhD), tough (a real stereotypical "man's man") and yes, he is very traditional. He had the biggest problem with his son's sexual orientation, and his wife (2nd marriage) didn't want "Brad" around their young son for a while. But over time this has also healed and his dad and stepmom have come to accept him for who he is.

A couple of years ago "Brad" married his partner in MA, where they live, and last year they adopted a young son. They downsized homes and Brad quit his very lucrative career to stay home and raise their son.

I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of Brad, for being such a wonderful person. He is, without exception, one of the most amazing people I know. He is not only smart and funny but also thoughtful and kind and devoted. He isn't perfect, but he is beautiful to the core. Maybe these traits made it a lot easier for the family to love him in his journey.

I've seen lots of prejudice all over, and especially in that part of Georgia. I know for a fact that my cousin's treatment has been much better, for instance, than the general view toward blacks in that community. Heaven forbid we talk about immigrants.*

Still, I am deeply honored to be a part of this family, with all their flaws. We are all human, but we CAN rise to the occasion. It is perhaps the exception to have so much love overcome so much narrow mindedness. But it can be done.

I hope and pray that Jeremy finds peace and love in his heart and in his friends who are indeed better than family. His family can't be replaced, but he can heal.

Please consider a positive segment on families who are NOT like his. And if you think it would help please feel free to pass this note along to Jeremy.

Peace out,
v

*for the record, I don't intimately know about my family's attitudes toward minorities, and I hate gross generalizations. Therefore I have no judgement about my family's view of blacks, immigrants, etc. partly because I don't specifically know their views. I feel the same way about many of their political views. I suspect I may not share them but I do respect their right to their opinions. I don't want to imply that they are racist or zenophobes. "Brad" married an immigrant and they have completely accepted him too. I converted to Judaism 9 years ago, and they took that in stride. At the same time I can't deny that it is true many folks in rural AND urban areas - all around the country - aren't comfortable with minorities. Just like homophobia, it's a complicated issue.

Wistful for a Garden - and Blue

2010-06-03T17:10:00.000-05:00

Not to be confused with the great Bluesfest I went to in KY last weekend...Himalayan Blue Poppy and Other Blue Flowers for the Garden - WSJ.com

Why Oil (and gas) Prices aren't Rising

2010-06-03T17:08:00.000-05:00

Interesting to get the details : OIL FUTURES: Nymex Crude Down On Economic Slowdown Fears - WSJ.com

Ex Presidents and Congress - biggest baconators of all

2010-06-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

I wonder how many people we could put to work, say cleaning the oil spill and fixing schools and paying and improving teaching, fire fighting, police, soldiers, teen driving education... if we stopped paying past presidents, vice presidents and congress (they get paid for life - full salary!) Did we seriously pay Richard Nixon after he resigned?! and lovely, there's a Transition fund $7.7 Million? Moving never cost ME that much.

http://www.senate.gov/reference/resources/pdf/98-249.pdf

Another Reason Why Being Present Matters

2010-06-03T15:12:00.000-05:00

Al, Tipper Gore split puts focus on late-stage divorces - USATODAY.com: "When physician Robert Butler first started looking at aging in 1955, he says life expectancy was around 70. Now, he says, a 65-year-old man can expect to live 18 more years and a woman another 20 years.

Butler, 83, is founder of the non-profit International Longevity Center in New York City and is founding director of the National Institute on Aging. He says he's also aware of those in long marriages contemplating divorce — and he says it's usually the women who bring it up.

'They wanted out,' he says. 'They were tired of too much pressure or inadequate emotional support from the husband. He was too preoccupied with other things. He didn't carry his weight. He didn't help around the house. They didn't have the kind of support they wanted to have.'"

Insightful

2010-06-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

I can't say that I agree with all his points, but he makes a lot of good ones. John Shore: Ten Ways Christians Tend to Fail at Being Christian There are a lot of faiths that deserve the same wake up call. As usual I take a more universal view of these things... far too easy to follow a path without studying it.

Not WWJD but WDJD?

2010-06-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

Interesting historical view :) Searching for Jesus in the Gospels : The New Yorker

Bob Cesca: Rand Paul Underscores the Tea Party's Connection to Race

2010-06-02T19:55:00.000-05:00

Interesting thoughts about Libertarians in this article as well. Amazing how few communities actually do anything about racism... I guess I miss the 60s when at least people would talk about it. Bob Cesca: Rand Paul Underscores the Tea Party's Connection to Race

Amazon.com: The Country of Marriage: Poems (9780156226974):…

2010-06-02T19:33:00.000-05:00

I want this book: The Country of Marriage: Poems

Distractions

2010-06-02T19:18:00.000-05:00

I found this article in the Atlantic Monthly in 2008 - and didn't read it. I was too busy. I downloaded it onto my desktop, in fact, to make sure I didn't lose it ("favorites" are so ephemeral) and still, didn't read it.

I might have skimmed it once.

Nicholas Carr, the author, summed it up (ironically*) in his title : Is Google Making us Stupid? Feeling highly qualified to answer this, I didn't bother. It might have taken me away from something more important. Email. Facebook? Dinner with my kids. Dinner alone. Dinner with House. I could knit with that time. Or read a book.

It's no secret that we have gotten flabby. (What a great word.) Physically we are largely obese, the majority of us. We are targeted as crass infidels perhaps not because we are unholy but just unaware.

Likewise our brains are flabby - or flabbier. I mentioned the other day (to a friend) all the languages our founding fathers learned as a matter of course: Greek, Latin, French, English, often Hebrew. It was standard fare for the educated class.

Now we are lucky to get one language in the course of achieving a higher education.

And yet we are supposed to do something with SO much more information.

There's no doubt that "more", the holy grail of our society (sadly infecting the rest of the world) in some ways gives us much less. The loss the ability to concentrate has taken me 15 years to accomplish. It's a gradual fading.... and who knows, having kids or getting just a wee bit more full in the brain may have everything to do with my sense of being more distractible.

Years ago I said multitasking was a lie. This was a solid observation based on training software and watching users struggle to find icons on the screen. I could always find it faster, standing behind them. THEN I noticed THEY (or whomever) could always find icons faster than ME if I was on an unfamiliar computer. **

Since then they have proven that multitasking is really just very fast switching. No duh.

Today I found this article, where Carr explores the subject more deeply: 'The Shallows': This Is Your Brain Online : NPR

The distractions in our lives have been proliferating for a long time, but never has there been a medium that, like the Net, has been programmed to so widely scatter our attention and to do it so insistently.

It was fun to read and watch myself get distracted, send an email and come back to finish the article. I DID notice how long it was.

And yet I read - a lot. Actual books.

Novels of all kinds, spiritual stuff, history, poetry (not as much as I'd like) and heavy lifting philosophy and relationship tomes. ugh

I love it. And sometimes I hate it.

But my least concern is for those of us who read, or those of us who can read well when needed.

The thing that causes grave concern is our children, and grandchildren - and how they will fare if (as Carr claims) lack of ability to concentrate means less creativity.

What if no one evers exists of the same creative and thoughtful caliber as Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Omar Khayyam, Tolstoy, Jane Austen, Virginia Wolfe?

Then what?

*ironic because he had to make the title short and explanatory so readers could comprehend quickly. In our distracted, sound-bite-driven way.

**the mulitasking part of this exercise is : look for an icon, while moving the mouse with your hand. Yeah, don't work well.

Put Some Sugar on It ;)

2010-05-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

That commercial from the makers of high fructose corn syrup makes me apoplectic (where they show someone feeding franken-soda to kids, and a Mom is concerned, but she can't articulate, to the successful confident evil Mom, why high fructose corn syrup is bad) Reduce Three Risks with One Sweetener Switch - Health Tip - RealAge

For the record, I read once that your body responds to fake sugars like that nasty sucrose/sucralose etc in the same way it responds to sugar.

Like Jack Lalaine said, if it wasn't food 100 years ago, it isn't food today.

We Have to do What We Know is Right

2010-05-12T21:30:00.000-05:00

Have been thinking about fostering, and this confirms it. Living | Electron Boy's amazing power felt worldwide | Seattle Times Newspaper

Facebook’s Gone Rogue; It’s Time for an Open Alternative | Epicenter�| Wired.com

2010-05-12T18:15:00.000-05:00

More on the way our privacy is dished to the dogs: Facebook’s Gone Rogue; It’s Time for an Open Alternative | Epicenter�| Wired.com

10 Reasons To Delete Your Facebook Account

2010-05-12T18:14:00.001-05:00

And read the related "Why you Won't Delete FB account" at the end. Great news is the hack job they are doing to exploit users means there will be an alternative - soon. Let the games begin.

10 Reasons To Delete Your Facebook Account

25 best-paying jobs for women - CNN.com

2010-05-12T18:14:00.000-05:00

25 years after clawing my way to a business degree... this reminds me I should add up how much I didn't earn one day, just for chromosomes and giggles. Oh and for the privilege of raising 3 smart kind beautiful children for society (sincere) and keeping the house (add sarcasm font) and supporting the family solo a few times, married or not :D

25 best-paying jobs for women - CNN.com

Call Your Mom!

2010-05-12T18:12:00.000-05:00

This is so true - for me and I hope for my children :)

Stressed? Calling Mom helps, study says - CNN.com

Nashville Tennessee Flood 2010

2010-05-12T18:11:00.000-05:00

My two oldest kids live right outside of Nashville. We had breakfast last year in the Grand Ole Opry, right where some of the pictures showed water several feet deep - and it's miles outside of town. Smalll towns all around were affected too :( Text 'REDCROSS' to 90999 to donate $10 to disaster relief!

YouTube - Nashville Tennessee Flood 2010

Art Redeems Us

2010-05-12T18:10:00.000-05:00

very very very wow talent. I have a nephew named Greyson :) (but this isn't him) YouTube - "Paparazzi"

Floods Wreak Havoc On Nashville Music Scene : NPR

2010-05-12T18:08:00.000-05:00

Heard this on the radio today - I don't even play an instrument, but totally get how huge the loss of these pieces is... Jimi Hendrix's guitar for example. Did you know he learned to play in Nashville??

Floods Wreak Havoc On Nashville Music Scene : NPR